Scars of love
Rashid was his name,he found me and i fell in love...head over heals in love.Being shy naive and a virgin at 20 it felt like heaven on earth being found by my prince charming.
I wanted my first time to be special and pure after probably a wedding, but my love felt that it wouldn't be easy for him to wait and after a long struggle i guess i gave in to his demands,after all he was the love of my life.
One,two months down the line and i missed my periods.Scared and unsure of what was happening i rushed to my love.Shock on me when i found him in bed with another lady.I was shocked beyond words,i couldn't cry ...for a moment everything felt numb....this was the only love i had ever known,my pillar and the father of my unborn child.
Having an abortion wasn't an option for me,i remember spending most of the eight months crying ,the heartache was unbearable,i was depressed and kept to myself the whole time,my heart was bleeding,the embarrassment was too much but despite everything i wanted my baby to live.And so i made up my mind to give it up for adoption.
February 5th 2001 late in the evening ,i was home alone when i felt pain coming and going,i was a bit alarmed so i went searching for my love,to my surprise he turned me down and left.Thank God my Mom who had traveled upcountry arrived in the middle of the night just by luck or sheer coincidence and prepared me for hospital very early in the morning as the pain had gotten worse.....10.00 a.m in the morning February 6th 2001, i delivered the most beautiful angel in the world.It was love at first sight.Despite all the embarrassment i caused my family my mom was my pillar and my strength,my dad,brothers and sisters made sure we never lacked anything.But deep down in my heart i was scarred for life,mad at myself for falling in love,mad at myself for the pain i have caused my daughter for not giving her a father...i always blamed myself for everything .....why would someone i loved so much cause me and my baby so much pain.
12 years down the line and i don't know how to be in love