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      Hopelessly wanting you back

     


When I first saw you I didn't think anything of it, just another nerd making his way through school. When I found out you were on my bus I brushed it off probably wouldn't talk to you anyways. When we became friends it was nothing more to me just another acquaintance. When we started talking everyday spending time together in school I thought we were close, that's all. Then one day you called me your best friend and I couldn't even respond. As months went by I realized I felt the same, even more but I wouldn't let myself get caught in that. Best friends don't like each other it's not how it works, best friends love each other like siblings nothing more. I distracted myself with everything I could and eventually I convinced myself that I got over that petty crush. I was over it, and for a while I was. Next year rolled in and you seemed distant to me and didn't understand why. I shrugged it off as you being stressed with school and the musicals you're always in. When our friend passed I was so hurt but you stayed strong next to me, always keep a smile on I wouldn't cry. That meant more to me than you'll even know, well I guess you'll never know. We went to his wake and you let me cry on you, you made jokes so I would laugh it was great. When they had the dance for him I didn't expect to you see you there. You ended up being the one I spent the most time with, danced with. I heard you sing, not in general but to me, you sang to me and that was the most beautiful thing I've heard. The way you sung each note made me melt inside as cliché as it seems. The night went on dancing, singing and laughing but it seemed so much better being by your side. You sung a song by the Swedish House Mafia, Don't You Worry Child it was called. You don't understand how much it hurts me to listen to this song now when it comes on the radio. I don't know what tore this song apart from the others but its different. I can hear your voice in my head when this song comes on and that hurts the most. Knowing I won't hear it again, maybe not for a while, maybe never. But after that dance I knew I was hooked, I liked you, I liked you a lot. It was bad constantly in my thoughts always lurking around. I tried stoping it i really did I didn't mean for it to end this way. Then that sweet sixteen and we danced, oh how we danced. To every song they played, grinding just messing around, what a great night. We danced to 2 slow songs one wasn't that slow so it was more silly than serious. But at the last dance of the night I was so sure of everything. They played Secondhand Serenade, Fall For You, my all time favorite slow song. There were so many memories tied to that song but none stand out like yours. You didn't know the words but you still sung to me, in my ear to be specific. I know you meant nothing by it but to me it was everything. I don't think I'll ever have such a romantic moment with anyone again, it was the most beautiful thing ever. I knew once I left the party that it was bad, I liked you maybe even loved. After that I don't know what happened but suddenly everyone was talking about us, your friends, mine. I knew you didn't like it, I knew you were uncomfortable. I tried ignoring it pretending everything was fake but you, you couldn't let it go. You told your mom, you told her everything I don't know why you did but you did. She came in the first musical rehearsal, asked for chat little did i know what was in store. Did she tell you she called me a stalker? Did she tell you she basically told me you felt bad for so you were being nice? I know what I said about your sister was wrong, I didn't mean it though. I've grown to love her like my own sister and I regret what I said before, I didn't think it affected you, I don't even know if it does. At his wake, I didn't realize what I was doing, I'm sorry. I don't know if I forgot or your mom was making shit up either way I'm sorry. And now you barely talk to me, you don't speak a word and you don't stand with me in the hall. It's like we're strangers again and that hurts, we were best friends don't you remember? All I hope is that, that nerd trying to get by in high school remembers the girl on the bus

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