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      I thought it was forever


I love telling the story of how we met. I was invited to a surprise birthday dinner for a friend of a friend and I wasn't sure I wanted to go. I had just taken a motorcycle course and finished school and I was hoping to relax that Saturday night but then at the last minute I decided it would be fun.

I was introduced to a few new people and he was one of them. I thought he was cute the moment we shook hands but I didn't really think that it would amount to anything. I had been looking for love for the past nine months but to no avail and so I had come to the realization that it would happen when it was meant to happen and that I was fine being on my own. But that night we just totally hit it off. We exchanged glances over dinner and then we all went to a club where me and him talked and danced the night away. It was such an amazing night and it was not like me to behave that way with someone I just met but there was something special about this guy. We exchanged phone numbers and he told me he'd call me. I wasn't sure if he really would and that was alright with me. He lived in Mexico but was in Canada on a business trip so I knew that getting involved with him would mean having a long distance relationship which I wasn't sure I could do. But fate will have its way and our love grew over the next year as he moved to the States to work and I continued my education at home in Canada. He moved in with me a year after we had met and we lived together for one year. During that time we told each other that we would get married one day and have children. We even picked out their names and I had never felt so loved or so secure in a relationship before. We told each other that we had never loved or been loved like this before and that we knew we had found "the one".

But my fear of rejection and abandonment finally took it's toll and he moved out a month ago. I really believed it was forever and that if two people love each other then anything can be worked out. But he doesn't want to work it out and so I am left feeling like all those beautiful words and promises were never really true. I don't understand how he could tell me one week that I am the one he wants to marry and then the next week tell me that he can't take anymore of the pain I am causing him by not trusting him and being a mean person when I am angry. The funny thing is that I did trust you baby. Otherwise how could you have broken my heart the way you have. I believed in us like nothing else in my life and this betrayal has destroyed me right down to the depths of my heart.

If he loved me he would've wanted to work it out but he says that he thinks that I could never make him happy and that kills me. He says he hasn't met anyone else and I believe him but the damage has been done. I would've done anything for you and you say that I didn't trust you but you didn't trust me either. You didn't trust that our love could overcome this and that one day we would be thankful for this time of trial and pain.

And he is so fine without me and he is moving on with his life. I can't do that and I am so afraid that my heart will never be able to trust again. I miss you and I love you, babe. I thought we would grow old together. I believed you with all my heart. If only you knew what that meant.


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