I'm 45 yrs old, I have achieved my mid-range career goals but the year 2000 has been the worst year of my professional, and personal life.
I've been married 4 times, currently still in the 4th, the 1st and 3rd, not much drama or trauma, pretty much came and went. After my 3rd marriage I seriously thought I would never remarry again, the 1st and 2nd, walked out on me with someone else, no hassles or arguments, they went their way, and I went mine, we never touched base with each other again.
My 4th marriage has been the longest of all, 17 yrs so far. During this marriage the problems that arose were common and we told each other that we would work on bettering the situation.
Problems for the most part were in the area of parenting. She had one way and I had another. Hers, was that she doesn't expect children to be to reactive in responding to parents demands in a timely fashion, wereas mine, as I thought like everyone's, there should be some sort of limit that should be impressed to try and instil a sense of responsibility in our children.
After approximately 3 yrs of marriage we had a discussion to try and sort out our differences. I insisted upon the conversation, for I wanted to try and deter any further hassles. That night I found out that she was subjected to what would only amount to be the most horrific of situations in which a girl of that age 6-8 years old, which also included her sister, should have to endure. All I'll say is that her father should be taken out to pasture and gilded, then sent to the glue factory, their step-father, should be taken the same way (gilded) but left to endure the pain, he would be an example for other men on how not to treat their daughters. From that day on, our marriage never really had any chance.
After about 6 yrs I made a mistake. We were arguing and she accused me of lying, I wasn't, but none the less I made a mistake, without thinking I rose my hand to her, and struck her behind her head. Since then I have attempted every effort to reconcile with her, but she has not forgotten the incident yet She has mentioned to me in the recent past that she, within herself, has found forgiveness for her father and step-father.
I've never been able or allowed to parent my own children and since Nov 99 thru Dec 00 she has been distancing herself from me. Since Jan 00 the children, 9 yr old girl,14yr old boy and 17yr old girl, have been kept away from me, I'm not being allowed to converse with them at all, at first I didn't realize what she was doing.
The final straw came in Jan 00, my 17 yr old injected into our conversation demanding that I, in her words, leave her f------ brother alone because she thought that I may have hit my son.
I've been unable to deal with this activity displayed by my family and been unable to perform my career at the level that my boss was used to seeing, knowing me very well, he had great deal of patients in keeping me onboard as long he could. I have been released from my job for first time in my 23 year career, saying I am not mentally on the job 100%.
Within one month my wife has packed up the kids and all that she thinks she can take, and has filed a temporary restraining order, at the hearing she got it extended for the entire term, I am on unemployment, making $435.00, I'm being told that is too much money to qualify for public legal assistance. She has been telling everyone she comes into contact with that knows me that she's getting her shit together finally.
I've not been able to comprehend what happened that could have caused this reaction, keeping in mind that she has not attempted to reconcile any problems that have arisen throughout the years.
I tell this story because I am at my wits end. I've been able to hire a private investigator and his firm has uncovered a trail that leads one to believe that she has conspired to commit fraud (Social services assistance) and deceit, and on top all that, adultery... for a year, some of it taking place within my own home when I was assigned off island to work.
If anyone could shine some reflective thought on this matter, I donít know where to turn, I've not violated the statutes of the restaining order. The men that she's been having affairs with have either lost interest in her, or she has satisfied her sexual need, and in my not reacting by going to their location and causing some ruckus, she has sent them away, bored. She does have a sexual prowess, she atractive, healthy, not over endowed, but having 3 kids I'll stop there.
Any comments, remarks... anything, I don't have finances to secure legal representation, I have a case but not the money.
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