An unconditional love that hurts.
At the beginning of school, aged 5, I met this guy. We fancied eachother crazy at the age of 7/8, went out a couple of times and by the time we were 11 we were best friends. We told eachother everything and just loved spending time together. We then started to fancy eachother again and went out at the age of 13, which is where it started to go wrong. I loved him so much, but for some reason we were starting to grow apart. About a month later, he broke up with me. I have never been so hurt, I remember the exact moment as if it was yesterday. He said it was becasue we worked better as friends but I knew there was more to it. Then a week later he starts going out with this other girl. Again, I have never been so hurt. I felt like my world was crashing down around me. They were a great couple, everytime I saw them together I just wanted to breakdown and cry. He looked at her the way he used to look at me and everyone would say how they were such a cute couple. She had averything I wanted and our friendship was lost.
So they went out for a while, and we started to become friends again but it was never the same. We never told eachother everything like we used to because he had her now. But eventually they broke up and we were friends again. We both went out with a few other people but hes always been in the back of my mind and I could never love someone they way I love him. Hes always been telling me how hes in love with me for years but Ive never properly believed him, I dont know if thats because he broke my trust or just because its too good to be true. But theres always been something between us and all our friends know it.
In the last few years there has been a couple of times where weve nearly got together but something has always got in the way and stopped us. I dont get to see him as much anymore but we still talk quite a bit, and after a few drinks often say that we love eachother. I cannot describe the love I have for him, no matter what he does or however long we dont speak I still love him. I loved him for as long as I can remember, when we were younger I honestly thought we would get married. Its almost like hes a part of me and without him I wouldnt be complete. I cant imagine loving anyone else the way I love him.
Then about a week ago, when we were out with friends, we kissed. It was amazing, we were both so happy. We said we love eachother and that we would meet up in a few days etc. The next day, we spoke but it was just like normal and no mention of meeting up so now im finding myself heartbroken all over again, just from a kiss. I dont understand him or why I love him, but I would do anything for him. But I dont know how many more times I can go through this false hope hes always giving me. I dont know if I should put my heart on the line and go after him or just try, once again to let it go.