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      The girl from the train


The girl from the train

Love has always had to suck. Isnít it! Suck you into the inevitable of pangs. The girl, I met in the train yesterday morning, was the one you fell in love at first sight. We all have our share of this ďcupid-hitĒ at some point of our life or maybe more often than not, for some testosterone or estrogen abundant developments of mankind. Nevertheless, the dazzling look of her face could barely let me think of getting myself a seat in the packed festive train. But, soon the mad whistle brought me into my senses, and I hurried to grab an inch or two in the great Indian general coach. Taking erratic glances on her for an hour or so, I concluded that I need to resort to the most conventional way of romantic ping Ė ďSTAREĒ. Yeah, many wonít be appreciative of this but; this was what a keen-to-being-noticed-of-his-crush-on-you guy could have done at that moment. To my exasperation, I was not to earn any brownie point there. She remained engrossed in the rain droplets which would splash her beautiful long, slender fingers stretched out of the window and at times concerned about a kid, probably his brother, who was not too well. And, soon without any admonition a nap took an arrest of me. I must be also dreaming about her, since I was still looking at her big beautiful eyes when I woke up to a nasty tap by a guy who intended to ask me if I could let him sit on the 0.8 square nanometer seat I had managed to lay my ass on. What a naÔve! What otherwise could have been some serious-entertainment-brawl for the house, ended up in me nodding in affirmative. Love makes you so generous, so peaceful, so happy inside. And, I continue to stay afloat in her air, smiling gleefully. But, had she noticed me, was it the same she would have thought of me, I pondered. Perhaps, for her I might be one of those five more horny bastards drooling at her in a hope of scoring on a random chick. Might be. But, yes there were three more like those for sure. Phew, no damage done. As, I grappled for the iron structures while being played with the burgeoning crowd behind, soon I found myself sitting beside her. The prick Ė ďangel in disguiseĒ. She continued to not take any attention of any of my constant concealed gazes. And, a minute later things were not any good either as she adjusted herself for a nap. O boy! Why just you donít let it be! Though, her being asleep like that made her look even more beautiful. I shifted to make space for her, so that she can sleep well and she slept like a kid. I got busy with a novel. Sometime later, she drowsily opened her gleaming eyes to take a notice of me or probably, I guessed so. We always take positives in one-sided infatuations. But, that was enough to make me aware of her again. I just wanted to talk to her. She was sweet. Damn sweet. And, serene too. Such a peace she was that I just wanted to be a part of her. The teenage-butterflies-in-stomach feeling was really gripping all over me. If, I say anything what she might think of me? She may simply retort or something more strong than that. Or she can simply avoid me, act like a deaf. Or, probably I was overthinking. The famous war between mind and heart was becoming more intense. Damn it! I let the heart win. ďExcuse me, I was wondering if u can please shift a bitĒ. Damn, you are gone. This was your only chance of saying anything. I should have said, how much beautiful she is or how I am in love with her eyes and maybe then get arrested for it. ďYeah sureĒ came the divine reply. Love in with her voice too. And, then she smiled, me too like an idiot. I always overdo a bit. Itís so frustrating being an ass. But, then suddenly things between us hit off instantly. Just like that. We were so at ease with each other. Sun was shining bright and majestic through the window grill. We talked college, friends and, then more college more friends. Time was just flying off. We were natural at conversing and it was really turning out to be great. At times, her mother would pass on her reprimanding looks and, I being concerned would avoid talking her. Yet, she would sneak a topic or two to resume to those ecstatic moments of our conversation, when I would just nod my head without even listening a word of her. I would just gaze madly at her moving lips, her gleaming eyes. And, then often she would break into a sweet signature smile of hers. It was love. Though, I never intended it to be that way. It was the feeling of love, I was feeling. Nothing more than that was on my mind or I could have allowed myself to air-castle about, given my awful record at relationships. It made me happy being with her. And, the same she was feeling. An ambassador of love and all virtues, she would always invoke that in you. Why we always bound to be in relationships to feel love? Love is like a free spring world. It does not know any boundary. Does chatting for hours and going dates make it more special? Or, cherishing that heavenly smile and all she do that becomes so distinctly etched in my memories is more ecstatic. Why do we deny ourselves what we are feeling when we feel love? We donít need to fall in a relation to feel that. Perhaps, we can be just happy about that and move on with our lives. Does it make us a philanderer, a promiscuous person to feel like that? Man, I donít know shit. I didnít need to sulk in any of those rhetorics, though. I was never thinking of any relationship thing with her. Just friends, good friends, special friends in our memories. Further, I canít be a polygamist as I am already dating someone. I didnít want any new dilemmas in my life. Just keep it to that only. Itís very special that way already. I donít need her to be my girlfriend to feel love, to feel happy. I was feeling love and damn happy for the beautiful day I was having. I didnít want to see her again. It was more than a comely end. I would always cherish those few hours that struck chords of my heart. Our destination was approaching. I couldnít have asked for more. But, then I did the unthinkable. The gesture of a flying kiss I blew was out of nowhere. You are one hell of an asshole, dumbass! , I said to myself. It made her uncomfortable for sure. Before, I could clear the airs between us the mad rush of the crowd inside and outside to perforate through the insufficient gate gaps threw me somewhere far from her. And, seconds later, she was nowhere in sight too. I realized what was happening. I searched for her, but she was nowhere to be found. I would be damned. I got home feeling mentally unwell. What the hell I did! Hours passed I continued lying on my dusty bed. It felt I was surrounded by a wall of bricks. I didnít eat, or drink or even breathe. I was just detesting myself for the thing I did. But, no wait! I know where she works part time. Yeah, she is a fitness trainer at a local gym. She told me about that and about the area too, where it was located. In fact, she asked me to join too. Certainly, nine grands were over my budget. I passed all night counting seconds. I barely slept for three hours. Apologizing to her once was all that I wanted. I just wanted to let her know that I didnít mean to demean her. And, rest what I felt I could have kept to myself only. No need to complex things anymore. I reached the gym well in time the next morning. It was not much of a trouble finding the only recognizable complex in the colony lined with just houses. Funny ones too. Why they have to make them to look that hilarious! Never mind, she was not off for another hour or so. I confirmed with the receptionist. I waited patiently, imagining the look on her face when she would see me there. Gosh! I just have to mend things and then I can really go my way, happy about all that happened in last 24 hours. And here she comes. She was still that ecstatic, very same. We exchanged smiles. She asked me if I had come to join the gym. I blabbered for a few seconds and then regaining my voice I asked her if she would like to go out for a while with me. But, then the smile gave way to a terse dreary look. It was a ďnoĒ, I knew. I took it casually thinking she might be busy and, casually enough apologized for the stupid thing I did the day before. But, she didnít look to heed it for a microsecond and, went on to tell me that she was not the kind of girl I was thinking her to be. What the fuck! What kind I am thinking of you to be. I was taken aback by what she had just said, and before I could recollect that, there came more of them. I was lost in my yesterday thinking how good the things were, rather special, a little while ago. I tried to clarified, told her I didnít even mean to be an acquaintance of her, what to say about a relationship. But, even it was not even an affair she was indicating. O no, no, no I donít want to fuck you. No no no! Damn! For godís sake I didnít take you for a slut! It was becoming unbearable for me with every passing second. I could feel my trembling knees. How wrongly she was thinking of me! Probably my acts made her. I took her side. You donít want to win over the person who made you feel love. Poor me! I promised, I wonít be around anymore but, just donít want her to think of me that abhorrently. She seemed to care less. I bid adieu never to look back for once. Probably, love does not suck. Newton might have a reason for what happened, in his third law of motion. Nothing comes free in this world. You love, you feel on top of the world and, next moment you are reeling under. Simple enough!!!


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