Hannah was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on.
I knew I had to have her when I met her. And I got her. And I never let her go.
We got married in our senior year in high school. Then our sophomore year in college we had a baby. We were so happy together. Then we graduated, and had another baby. We moved to Dallas and both got really great new jobs, and we bought a house for our little family. Our little daughter and son. When Dylan, our baby turned 9 months old, Hannah went back to work. She had been on leave to care for Dylan. 2 weeks after returning to work she began getting violently ill. She had to go to the hospital twice in one week from work. She would sleep by the toilet, and after 2 weeks of being violently ill she went to the doctor. I held her hand as the doctor told her she had cancer that had progressed beyond help, and that she would die within 3-6 months.
We were so upset and confused. I lost so much weight because I could not eat or sleep. She did too. Naturally. And it broke our hearts. Our lives were supposed to last forever. And 3-6 months was about 60 years less than we planned. There is no easy way to let someone you love go. I loved her more than life itself.
And when she died, I felt so empty. I felt so lost and alone, and destroyed. I had a problem; letting go. who wouldn't? I denied it to myself. I wanted to believe she'd be back. But it was hard to wakeup and see an empty bed that I knew would be empty forever. If it wasn't for the kids, I would've let go I think. just lost the will to live. But, Dylan was just over one, and needed me badly, and Emma was 3.
they went to stay with my mom for a while, and then I realized I had to pull myself together for them. And I got over the grief.
It took a long time to realize I was alive again. I woke up one morning, 4 years after her death, and realized, my heart was still beating. It took me that long to realize it.
Within just a few short months I was dating, and had connected with Lara. She was beautiful. A little younger than me, and sympathetic to me. Very caring to me, like I was a torn ship. It took a while for me to kiss someone that wasn't Hannah.
After meeting someone else, I went through another cycle of grief trying to get close to someone that wasn't her. But Lara was so patient. and I fell so hard and so fast for her, that I know I couldn't live without her. I really need her to live. she, herself had a son from a previous marriage. Her son Taylor, that I adopted is 3 1/2. And we have a 6 week old baby Brandon. Our lives are so complete.
You'd think. But, today Lara has told me that she has cancer. She has known about it a very very long time. She has been getting treated since before we met. I feel cheated on. She said she met me and fell for me, and after learning what happened to Hannah, did not want to scare me away.
Lara told me because she just found out the treatments are not working, and that she is not doing well. I feel so betrayed by her. she is in the room crying. I cannot be mad at her, but I am. I am going to loose another wife to this horrible disease before I am even 30. And I never knew. How could I never know? it's like not knowing a whole side of her, she has been so secretive. Now, I can see how people can be cheated on and never know it. I never saw medicine, doctor bills, insurance statements,
or never missed her when she was at treatments, which she fitted in all over the place.
I cannot be mad, I am hurt, but I am mad too. Why wouldn't she share this with me. She is my very breath of life.
and I am hurting for my wife.
she too has to leave behind 2 children, and my 2 that she is close too.
Emma, is 8 now and Dylan is 6, it will be like losing a mother all over again for him.
and Brandon is just a newborn. I never knew even through her pregnancy. and why would she have Brandon. I know she didn't know... but how could she take a chance.
Lara still has hope. And she told me she is willing to fight for everything. Until the end, and I have hope, but after losing Hannah, and watching her die, it's also hard. If I loose Lara, I am done forever. everyone I touch, falls from grace.
I am a father of 4. a husband of one, and alone. I feel so hurt, but the only thing to do is talk to Lara, and understand, and find out what I can do.
I have to be strong for her. I have to go now, and talk to my wife. I have to be strong for my wife. pray. please.