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      Too scared to love

     


I was fully aware that life was not a bed of roses….but i thought that my life was no less than a living dream with me and my loving parents always beside me…I had my share of happiness and joy and was perfectly satisfied with it…the only thing which i was scared of was falling in love…and after all the stories of heart breaks and betrayals….i decided to not fall in love at all…the best way to avoid all of this…but as usual I was wrong…I thought very logically from my head…but didn’t count the heart.



The first time I saw him was in a dark night … my first night at my hostel…many of us were buzzing around the campus. Some were here for the first time for the others it was “just another hostel”. Our campus being far from the mainstream city staying at hostel was mandatory. We had a common building but different wing for boys and girls. Students all being a graduate considerable amount of freedom was given. “Lets go and check out the guys downstairs” shouted Ananya with excitement disturbing my thoughts about my mom and dad who have just left the city dropping me here. Making new friends was always on the cards but I was prepared for friendship only.I made some new friends and we all thought about a walk after Manami’s insistence.It was pitch dark and being strolling in a remote area I accidently stepped over a snake.Being born and brought up in a city girl throughout myn life this was a rare incident in my life.Totally freaked out I was I rushed back in the hostel where some of my friends were teasing me about it.Suddenly amongst all the girls stood a very bright guy was standing and chatting around in glory caught my attention…actually his stories about being the “snake catcher did”. “Hi! I am Rohan” came his voice” Hi, this is Madhu” came my reply…”if you are a snake catcher…i think we should hang out together..coz I hate snakes and dnt want to see them again”. A shy smile replied me. Soon I found him busy among the girls.I didn’t know that the entire life will be summarized by the words I spoke in the very first meeting.



I always wanted to get married to a nice good boy but I dnt know why I always get attracted to the naughty ones..and this one was a naughty guy for sure. We became friends a group.. of Ananya ,Ishita ,Shayan ,Rohan and Me and ya of course Gargi also started hanging out with us. Everything went well we always were together,Shayan and I gelled well and Rohan and Ananya always stayed together but ya Rohan always found teasing me by mimicking my voice as the greatest talent he could have.But as usual problem started coming up when this love found its way and gradually took the form of obsession. Ananya became obsessed with this idea of Rohan.She never allowed anybody else to sit beside him, if he spoke to anyone else that would make her mad and if Rohan spoke to any other girls she would respond by giving abnormal looks to her. Things started taking a turn when Rohan and I were paired for a particular assignment where we roamed around the city for a week . Being a straightforward girl i directly asked him about his feelings about Ananya to which he responded by saying “you mad or wat? Of course no” .From then onwards we became close friends ,its true that I had not developed any feelings for him that time but at the same time I didn’t want him to get involved with Ananya too. Our closeness affected Ananya and she tried many time to prove me wrong. Around this time Shayan proposed me…I never saw him “in that way” but I always kept him as a friend.



Things grew worse with every passing day and everyone around whom I thought my friends left me alone with only Rohan there beside me. Gargi also fell for Rohan and so much so that Rohan became a subject of laughter for the others.”I don’t want you to suffer the same way as Ananya and Gargi did” sighed Ishita when I questioned her behavior. Out of the many incidents one of them which I remember very clearly is the day of Ananya’s Birthday. We all decided to to explore Bangalore ‘s Night Life.We- Ananya,Gargi,Ishita,Jasleen,Sayan,Rohan and Shayan we all went to a bar.Sayan was newly love with Ananya and the latter was enjoying the prospect.We landed up on Bar where Jasleen was cobtinuously flirting with Rohan and Ananya was sitting in between me and Rohan.Gargi was sitting in the corner and was continuously disturbing Rohan with flirty texts. “lets have taquilla” said Ananya and through this we inaugurated our drinking life. After the shots I was getting a little..actually I cant describe in words …different.I slowly started enjoying the loud Music and the love confessions of Sayan for Ananya.I also slowly started sipping the Beer from Sayan’s glass.I could feel only Rohan’s eyes keeping a close watch over me.Ananya was drunk and she started whispering to Rohan’s ears “You betrayed me!”.That night also made Rohan yell over me in front of everybody “You are not my friend anymore”..those words hurt me so much that I thought that I don’t need anyone.When Shayan came to help me out while walking I shouted at him which also made him yell over me.The next thing I knew was that I was sleeping in the shoulder of Rohan .



Day after Day passed and I started to get close to him.His eyes were magical and I fell my legs weak when he stared at me for a long time. Right after the death of my grandfather I was very upset he took me to his friends place after much persistence.That night was then night of diwai with fire crackers all aroud.He and all his friends got drunk and he came to my room for a quick talk.



After his talk about the plans about tomorrow he asked for a hug.We hugged for sometime it felt like he didn’t want me to leave him and i felt i could stay like this forever. Suddenly i could feel his lips pressing my lips.The soft and tender touch of his lips made my lips respond in an instinctive manner.The moment was magical-it was my first kiss..it was everything i could ask for.This sweet moment lead to another realization of guilt.”How did I kiss my best friend?”..and Rohan begged in front of me to forget that this ever happened.He told me that he can never make me happy as he has seen all the miseries in the world.But i could feel was that only he cam make me happy.I loved him..and I realized that.The entire night i could not sleep thinking whether I shuld be happy of what just happened or should I be scared of loving someone who can never love me back?



Many days passed and our relation developed He loved me ..his eyes spoke that all the time maybe more than i loved him.We came together.The day i was leaving for home for holidays he had high fever ,he whispered in my ears “Come Back soon…I Love you “.From then on wards I know I have my Man who is more than whatever I coould possibly dream of.



I am living this dream now all though there are fresh challenges we face everyday making our relationship even more strong.I know I am his life now and I could see myself in his eyes as a happy and the most beautiful girl in the world.



Yeah…sometimes you need to fall..in order to be caught by the man of your dreams.

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