If you ever see this, I will be here. Maybe not knowing it, but I'll be waiting.
The pain I feel is the only tie that binds. To let it go is too much for me to bear. It is the same tie that keeps me wanting nothing but sleep. Yet to progress to be worthy of you. The tie that keeps us from speaking. We're not fighting, but we're not talking.
I loved you with all that I possess, but it wasn't enough, was it. In whatever physical condition you are/will be in, I would count myself lucky to have you by my side, anywhere. And there was a time you felt the same.
You were my first true love. And, for a time, I was loved in return. It was more than I thought I could emotionally bear at times. The exhaust of my strength, arms shaking, holding you closer to me. And my realization that you were doing the same. I wish I had the talent that you hold to so expressively write what I hold locked now deep in my heart, yet brimming the surface with the saline of my tears. And maybe I can't explain it with words written on this cold keyboard. Maybe it can only be relayed by spring daffodils in brown paper, mid-night whispers, silent kisses, and the tears of joy that we bring each other. And your eyes. If I could do nothing but hold you and look into your eyes and learn everything about you. Your fears, concerns, disappointments, and your hopes, dreams, passions, fantasies, and child-like wishes and make them come true for you... I would think myself above Herculean strength, Dalai Lama content and the affluence of love so spoken of in Shakespeare sonnets... and so much more. I would love you forever. I would need you always. I would be your companion for eternity.
Please let this be the last and only letter I write that She will never see. Honey, I thank you.