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      Tell them before it`s too late

     



I was just sixteen and my dad had just bought a farm in the fields of California. While I was playing outside on the new farm, I met up with a boy. He was an average type of boy who would tease you and then you’d chase him around then later beat him up.


After that first meeting with the boy, we kept on seeing each other and beating each other up at the fence. The beating up didn't last that long though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together. I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet; he would just sit there and listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him just about everything. In school we had our separate friends, but when we got home we would always talk about what happened through out the day. One day I talked to him about a guy I liked and that guy had hurt me and had broken my heart. He comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over the guy I liked. I was happy and I thought of him as a real friend. However, I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night as I fell asleep and later realized that it was just a ‘friend’ kind of thing that I had felt.


All though high school and even through high school graduation we were always together and, of course, I thought of it as being friends. I knew deep inside that I really felt differently for him though… sort-a like more than friends can be.


On graduation night we had different dates to prom, I wanted to be with him though. That night when everybody left prom, I went over to his house and I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be with him. When I got to his house I knew that this was my big chance to tell him how I felt for him but all I did was just sit there with him and just stargaze by his bedroom window. We were talking about what we were going to do in the future, what we thought would happen. I looked into his eyes and listened to him about what his dreams were. He wanted to get married and just settle down. He wanted to get a good job, be rich, and to have a good education. All I could do was tell him my dreams that I had and what I would do in the future. I then just cuddled up next to him. I went home hurt, because I didn't tell him how I was feeling for him deep inside. I wanted to tell him so bad … wanted to tell him that I loved him so much but I was just too scared and frightened. I kept on telling myself that I’d get that chance to tell how I felt for him.


A week later after graduation night he had got a job in New York. I was happy for him, but at the same time I was sad to see him go and also sad that I didn't tell him the feelings I had for him. I couldn't let him know soon because he was leaving town to New York for his job. So I kept that feeling to myself and I watched him leave and I cried as I hugged him for I knew that it would be the last time for a long time I would see him again. That night I went home and cried my eyes out. I was hurt and I felt guilty that I didn’t even tell him one bit about how I felt for him in my heart. I then got a job as a secretary and then I worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished of my jobs.


One day I had received an invitation from him, inviting me to his wedding. I was surprised and happy for him that he’d be marrying soon but when I thought about it that night and I grew sad. Know I knew that I could never be with him and that we’d only be… just friends. I bought my ticket the next month and flew over to New York. It was a big occasion and the wedding took place at a big church with a reception at a hotel. I met the bride and, of course, I talked to him too. I fell in love with him again as each moment I got that chance to talk to him at his wedding. But I held the feelings back so I wouldn’t spoil what should be known as the happiest day of his life. It was killing me inside to watch him be so happy with his wife and me trying to be happy by covering up my sadness inside me, but I tried to have some fun though. I left New York a week later and flew back to California. Just before I was going to step on the plane he came running out of no where and he said his good-byes. He also mentioned how happy he was to see me again.


I got home and tried to forget everything that happened in the past two weeks of my stay in New York. I had to get on with my life and as years passed by we wrote letters to each other continuously. We’d also talk about how much we miss talking to each other. A couple of months passed and he hasn’t replied my letters. The past three months I had sent him six letters, I got worried. Just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I had finally received a letter from him. He told me to meet him at the fence where we’d always meet up. I was happy to know that he was coming but when I finally saw him, he looked so sad and calm. I gave him a comfort hug and we sat down to talk. Then he told me about his divorce and why he hadn’t written back to me. He cried until he couldn’t cry any more. Finally, we went back to my house. We talked and laughed about whate we’ve been doing that past couple of months, and we got caught up in the old times. In these moments, the feelings for him rushed back to me and deep inside I just knew I couldn’t tell him. In the following days he told me that he had a lot of fun and I made him forget his divorce. I was pleased and thankful to hear those words he spoke. I couldn’t help it or control the love I had for him. I like him all over again. A couple of days later he had to go back to New York. No, I didn’t want him to go so soon! I went to the airport and I cried because I hated to see him leave. He promised me that he’d visit me every chance he got vacation. I couldn’t wait for his return. It was almost summer and I had received another letter, he said his boss let him go for a two week vacation, he’ll be visiting me soon. But it turned out that he didn’t show up like he said he would. Those days turned into months and I forgot about how much time was passing by. One day I got a call from his lawyer in New York. The lawyer told me that he had died in a car accident heading towards the airport in New York. It took this long to settle everything. I was shocked, as what I found could not be true! I cried my pain and that incident had broken my heart. I was broken hearted and I knew now why he hadn’t come that day. I cried all night and my crying had given me dark pillows under my eyes. I gathered my things and flew back to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, his belongings were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the wedding. She explained how he was so unhappy. She would try everything to make him happy but he was always unhappy like the night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was his diary.


I didn't know why it was given to me in the first place. I took the diary and flew to California. When I was on the plane heading home, I remembered all the good times he and I had together. I opened to the first page of his diary. The diary had started the day when we first met. I read on until I started to cry. In his diary he had wrote that he had fallen in love with me the day we talked about the guy who had broken my heart. His diary told me how he wanted to tell me so many times about the way he felt for me but was too afraid to speak up. He wrote that at his wedding he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy staying in New York. He also told of the best times we had with each other and how much he liked reading my letters over and over again. Finally I came to the last entry of his diary. He said, “Today I will tell her how I feel”, but that day was when he was killed in that accident.


That day was going to be the day when I would of finally find out what he really felt for me.

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