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      We were only suposed to be friends with benefits

     


2 years ago i met him and it was magic.we were talking and out of nowhere we were making out.he told me right away he married and his sex life sucked. we became friends with benefits but as time passed we got closer.after sex we would cuddle and talk,we hold hands when we walk at stores,park.everyone think we are married and so in love when the truth is im his lover. about a year ago we confessed our love for eachother and swore not to say i love you again.he dont love his wife but dont want his children to grow up like he did with divorced parents.a few weeks ago we told eachother i love you again and i felt so bad for not keeping my word.but i love him so much,when we are together we are in our own world and everything is so wonderful.when he kiss me ,hold me i feel so special and i feel his love for me. we no longer refer to sex as sex.... we make love.i been trying to make him leave me because i love him so much i cant. but he wont leave me...he wants us to grow old together but i cant live like this....being the other woman.i dont want to tell him to leave his wife because is not right....we were only friends with benefits and now were deeply in love,still that dont give me the right to break a family.as much as i love him im willing to let him go because hes married and his family needs him.i just dont know how,our feelings get stronger everyday.i want to love a single guy who can love me like he does and for me to love him like i love him.when he works outa state,we talk,we do video chat we just cant be without eachother.i wonder if love is so great,why does it hurt so much? sometimes im hurting because we cant be together.i told him before i was trying to leave him and he thought i had someone else and was so depresed.everytime we have a disagreement we end up in eachothers arms,looking at eachother eyes,saying i love you without actually saying the words. i love our relationship,he calls it a relationship,i dont know what we have.but i love it,we dont need words to espress our feelings,we say i love you all the time with each kiss,each caress,when we make love.but i cant live being the other woman to the man im so in love with. we agreed to being friends with benefits,but we didnt plan the falling in love part and now we dont know how to deal with it.i dont want him to leave his wife and kids but i dont wanna be without him. and he wants to grow old with me.we have aniversaries for everything.... we have first time we made love aniversary,firt time we met,first date,first kiss is just so great what we have but it also hurts so much to love someone who cant be with you,we talk about the future like we are a married couple or just couple who plannig a wedding.many times i wished he was lyingng about being married but oh well im not that lucky.

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