When is forever, forever?
There were two men in my life whom I loved the most, aside from my biological father and my adoptive father, this two men whom I loved the most hurt me the worst…
The first is the man I married 15 years, 6 months and 8 days ago. We had two kids whom I am so proud of and the reason why I’m still striving and working hard for. I want them to have a good education and a family that they can be proud of. Four years, 10 months and 12 days ago I thought that I am very happy with him, very content with him, almost had everything with him…I am already working outside my native land in a kingdom where I thought then would give me greener Pasteur, that could make my family a lot happier and a little wealthier. The first man in my life and I sacrificed our own happiness, togetherness, the longings of those sleepless nights of being alone in each other’s room thousand miles apart from each other for the sake of the family that we cared for so much. The first man in my life promised to love me forever, to hold me forever, to be with me forever but when is forever, forever? He gave his word that he would always be there for me. During the stormiest time of our lives he was my strength, he was the fortress that shielded me. He is my friend and confidante whom I shared my wildest dreams and fantasies, that crookedness that sometimes enveloped me when I feel somebody craps on me. He is my greatest lover; the one who hold my hand with respect and love, with certain sureness, honesty and loyalty that only a man who loved a woman with deepest sincerity can do. He always looks at me with such admiration and proud ness that makes my heart oblivious whenever we are in a crowd. He is the only man I bowed to be as my equal till death do us part.
The second man in my life came 4years, 10 months and 12 days ago…when I thought I almost had everything…a high paying position in a disputable organization, my family had already recovered from the tragedy of deaths and financial losses, I have two loveable growing up teenage kids, and a loving husband…but he came…out of the wilderness of a very tranquil night. My phone rang, the person on the other line asked if he called the right person, which I think he rightly did. I was very hesitant to entertain him because I am not used to talking to strangers in an odd and weird place where we are expatriates as there is no freedom because of strict rules on religious practices. But the second man in my life insisted and persisted for vying my attention and trust. He would call me anytime of the day showing concern and affection, care and thoughtfulness and soon I was hooked up. I was captivated by those charming words and sweet to nothing whispers of songs and music, those enthralling stories and experiences he used to narrate with me during the late time of nights and early mornings after an exhausting long hours of work. My heart was captured and became enslave of a man who hides himself in a facade of amiable face and smile, of shades and shirts, of high tech gadgets and advance technologies. I became entrapped in circumstances where I know how to get in but don’t know how to get out. He gave me my first of almost everything; my first experience of being a Princess since he treat me as one and made me believed I am one. He showered me with gifts reminding me of my feminine persona; comforter that warmth me during winter season, those stuffed toys and cuddling pillows to embrace me at my serene moments, the tennis and badminton rackets and dumbbells to watch my health and keep me physically fit. And those cherished watch, puzzled ring and necklace that engraved our names. Oh! How can I fail to remember him when every corner of my room bears memoirs of him? Never ever that I felt he is ashamed to accompany me in public places where we could hang for a while or reluctant of being with me in restaurant where we could share some private moments together while savoring our favorite beef Szechwan and mixed Chinese con Arabian noodles. The second man in my life blend the best coffee I enjoyed to sip whether as cold as mocha crushed or hot as nirvana with tiramisu as complementary. He gives me the luxury of appreciating life for being optimistic and sanguine of what the world can offer, for being carefree and blithe for there will always be tomorrow to look forward to. He can construe within my thoughts and emotions in the midst of anguish and of my despair. He was there when my greatest adversaries aim for my defeat vying for his victory over me; he was there, he was there when I wake full of tears listening to my sentiments and fears, he was there to reassure, to calm, to soothe my heart and soul…he was there…on the other line on the phone.