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      What can I expect?

     




I met someone online. I thought it was just a GAME since la naman akong magawa sa bahay that time kasi the weather has been very bad the whole month. It always rained, so can’t go out. It was then I met him. We chatted for how many days, since I thought game lang naman, I used a dummy email and didn’t give out my real name.

Actually, he posted an ad sa isang dating site. He’s not really looking for a casual date but a discreet FUBU! Yes! A fubu! Curious as I was, I responded to his ad – chat lang naman, sabi ko sa sarili ko, walang mawawala.

And so we chatted, even had sex on chat! I can’t even believe I did that. And I kinda like it though. Until one day he said he wants to meet me in person and might go somewhere private. I was afraid of course! I’m a fuckin virgin! (funny, but its true) and then I told him another lies para di matuloy2 pagkikita namin. A week after, nakokonsensiya na talaga ako, it’s hunting me like hell. So I decided to end up what we had. I sent an email. Apologizing him for what I did. I told him everything. I even deactivated the email I used. But I am such a fool coz I gave out my number to him. He said he understand and that gusto pa rind aw niyang makikipagkita, as a friend this time. Takot pa rin ako siempre sa kung anumang pwedeng mangyari.

Since that day, nag open up na ako sa kanya.. lahat-lahat.. even invited him sa fb ko. Little did I know I fall for him already. Di lang sa boses, sa hitsura (kasi kung tutuusin he’s not that gwapo)… di ko talaga ma explain kung anong nangyayari sa akin… I’m hard to please… kahit mga kaibigan ko, yan ang tingin sa kin.

He started teasin me at kung anu-ano pa. hanggang sa naging kami nga… he said he loves me. Don’t even know kung totoo mga pinagsasabi niya, basta ako, naging honest na ako sa kanya. Never felt this to anyone, but him. I thought okay na lahat, til one day he said he’s going back to Dubai (he’s an ofw), and he wants to meet me and of course since KAMI na nga gusto niya may “mangyari” sa min before he’ll fly back to Dubai. Sobrang takot talaga nararamdaman ko. I was torn between right and wrong. I know, una pa lang mali na talaga lahat. Gaga ako eh.. di ko naman alam na maiinlove ako sa kanya. I know all the signs.. lahat2 pero it was like I am a willing victim. Lahat ng payo narinig ko. Love, curiosity, excitement, all mixed up, at pumayag na akong makipagmeet sa kanya, kaya lang langit na talaga gumawa ng paraan para di matuloy tuloy “masamang” balak naming dalawa. And yes we met, pero sa public place and nothing happened. We only talked for a short while and then I went home.

Hanggang sa nakabalik na siya ng Dubai. I was still thinking na kami pa. pero iba ang sa kanya eh.. alam kong laro lang sa kanya lahat. And yes I was badly hurt! At di ko talaga matanggap na naloko ako, though im thankful na walang masamang nangyari samin.. even now, pansinin-dili ako sa fb … sabi ko nga. Sige lang.. makakamove on din ako one day. Pero ang sakit parin… dahil kahit na alam kong niloloko ako… alam ko deep inside my heart, mahal ko talaga siya.. tanggap ko kung ano siya.. I was even told na idivert attention ko.. yes I did. I tried. Pero di ko talaga maiwasan.

Minsan, naitanong ko sa sarili ko.. what’s the purpose of letting us meet? I mean, bakit ganito? Test ba to kung hanggang saan ang kahinaan ko? I really dunno. Basta isa lang ang alam ko… MAHAL NA MAHAL KO SIYA… up to now.. and I’m having a hard time moving on.

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