U R MY LOVE
Hellow my adorable lover,
Today I want to let you know how my heart and me belongs to u. I am really so happy to meet u after so long time since back in 3 years ago I saw u and your true love towards me, but it is really unfortunate that I did not realize that you are my angle who could give me all the happiness that I deserve in my life and you are the person who could give me the life which I have dreamt. Anyways, the dates and time I have spent with you are really amazing that in my life I have never felt it before. Every date and meeting is captured in my mind and within these three years whenever I cross any related moments, place it suddenly captures in my mind like a favorable song heard from somewhere. It was so sweet and long lasting memories. I havenít met you much but still you have shown me another world which is full of happiness and freedom and peace. Even that time I enjoyed and felt the beauty of that time but my mind was not ready to believe that in the quick of time how can I fall in love with you, and I felt so difficult that how you could love me so much.
My heart and mind suggested me to wait and take some time to understand you, but I never intended to ignore you, in fact I did not want to lose you, because somehow my heart tells me that youíre an angle. Actually now only I understood why is that and how much you loved me. I love you so much not only today even that time I loved you but because I was feeling so uncertainty to take over decisions I lost you. Yes you can blame me for betrayal but in my heart you were important and I was slowly coming on your way as I needed much time to move closer to u and to trust u as u were so strange to me. Unfortunately, you misunderstood me and my innocence and stupidity drove me into despair. I was so mindless just enjoying life and doing everything that brings me pleasures at the time I never think much for the future and even if I try it was so difficult for me, in other words I was not matured. So when u went away from me I did not even realize it. But things started changing in the mean while I was scattered all around I did not even know where to go and what to do I became lonely and hopeless. I was ought to start a new life, I realized that it was not a life I must work hard and find a way to live. My mind started thinking but there was nobody to help and guide me through. I am courageous and I tried on my own and that was a very good lesson for me in life. My dreams and targets of life are linked with my advocacy and enthusiasm of studying and my sincere desire to become a great person by being graduated. I had a dream to stand on my own feet and live an independent life and I aim to show others that I am special and so strong in full filling my dreams. Therefore I selected a carrier for me to go and build a life where I could be successful in achieving my dreams.
I was alone even though my dad was financially supporting me; I faced so many tragedies and sorrows, difficulties to study. I crossed all the berries on my own and moved forward to achieve my targets. Slowly it seemed that I had got the path to study but in other hand there were so many other difficulties in staying alone here in Maleí where I donít have any relatives or my own family. But I decided to ignore and bear those difficulties and focus only on my studies. It took so long time for me even to reach a Diploma level cause I did not get help and support from anyone and I was living others life not my life, as I ought to do their works in their life where I was staying I never get freedom and time even to think and do anything in my life. Once I was even like a slave, it was really miserable.
Finally when I got a chance to work for employment and complete my Diploma level another huge barrier aroused. I got so many complaints from friends, family and others that I should get married. My mind was not even ready to think about it. It was so difficult to think me in that way. But I was in trouble when my dad (the one who is the only person important in my life and who helps me whenever I am in need) asked me to get married, he was urging that it was the age for me to get married and he suggested that there is time for everything and he was tired of supporting me, he had more responsibilities to support other children in the family.
Again I was depressed and in the time I really mind what dad talked to me. That was the biggest disturbance I got while studying because when my mind was not set and I was not at all ready to think about a marriage but my family was pushing me and it interacts my mind. They may have dreams that they want see me in a happy life where there is a good husband and a happy family with me. But no one knows that I have so many dreams and I wanted to start a very well planned and strong life where in somehow even if I had to live alone I could support and stand on my own feet and I never want to depend on any one. I wanted to live a modern understanding happy ever after life after planning everything from the very beginning to the end. It was so sweet even to think about my dreams, can anyone imagine how happy and free I would be in the life which I have planned. Ö..
And the most important part of my life I have planned is to find a life partner. Moreover, that is the target of my all the dreams to find and live a person who is like an angle who is having all the features and good personality that I have dreamt of. I wanted a very educated, understanding and very honest and loyal good person to come in my life. I wanted him to love me so much and he must know me more than I do and he should be a good religion follower and should be very respectful and steady. He should be a very responsible and punctual person and should be a very kind hearted person; I never want him to be good in appearance but should have a good and strong personality. With him I want feel that I am the happiest girl in the world. I want live a very happy and prosperous life with him having loving and sweet beautiful baby. My ultimate desire is to give a very happy and successful, prosperous life to the children I get. I want them to be proud of us and I want them to make us proud. I wish we all could be in heaven in the final day, my target will be to live a successful life in the way that All almighty of god shows us in Islam.
This is my dreams and targets that I have imagined. But things changed so much that I did not get any control. It even enforced me to go in a separated direction of my dreams. That is I really got helpless to live alone to study , it was my final stage to the diploma, but I had no other choice rather than getting married otherwise I wonít be able to finish my studies and there will be no one to support for my studies. It was terrible days, I was depressed and I thought in many ways. I was so upset that I had to do everything opposite to my dreams and if I do that there is no happiness to me and I did not know what will be the life and how I would live with whom I donít love, and with whom who does not really having my desired features and all. I had no idea where my life was driving me away. I was more than tired even to fight against the situation. I was helpless, and finally I did not have another choice because I donít have any idea where will my angle (prince) will be. When I was helpless and I got cock sure that I should get married, I donít know how but my mind reminded me to contact you, because in my heart I felt that even in an helpless situation if you married me I will be the happiest girl in the world. But I did not think further than that, so I did not realize you are my angle still I could not believe that I love you. I think I contacted you but I was ashamed of what I did to you so I was not having any hopes that you will accept me. Inside my heart I was feeling that IF UR MINE? I really wanted you seriously to come in my life so when you came to my life I connected you to my family, especially my mom and dearest sis queen.
The same way as you are special in my heart, my mom, yes our mom wanted me only to marry you. She tells me that her heart tells you are the person perfect to my life. It is really amazing that even after 2 or more years in her heart you are there as refreshed as mine. In my life mom is special as others, especially even though I am away from her, her heart tells if anything happens wrong to me. And I even today wonder and even my sissy says how mom has been longing to see the day when I get married to you. She has never requested me to do anything in my life so many times other than talking about you. Before I had a thought that I will never marry a person for his wealth therefore, when I did not realize that I love you, I was misunderstanding that my mom wants me to get married to you because you are wealthy, that is also a reason why I felt easy when u went away.
Then came the most desperate part of my life. People say that the happiest day for a girl is the first day of her marriage. But I did not realize it. How sad I would be to break my destiny and work on an unknown path. I thought to fight for life even if there is no happiness for me and even my dreams not come true. I was weak that I forgot my dreams and kept it aside and decided to marry the boy he is even more immature than me but is honest and kind hearted. Actually he was after me for a while I knew him somehow but not much, what I knew is he is ready to do anything for me and he was ready to marry me even if his family did not support it and he helped me as much as he can. He was simple and innocent but very patient and he never expresses his needs and willingness and other wishes to me even if he needs it very much. That is because he never know me and I never know him much, but I was asking him anything that I want and we lived a life where I have to rule everything, he was not seemed to be steady and responsible as he is so young. He is not my like and I am not his type, he loved me and is crazy but he really never knows how to love and care. To our marriage mom was against but when I did not listen to her she was the first to cry for me even the day I got married she was crying and hiding, she is so patient. Her heart tells her that I wonít be happy with him and she was sad for me.
I was so sad that I had so many sweet dreams about my first marriage day I was dreaming to get surprised and warm wishes and lots of happiness but rather than my sissy mom and dad and kokkee there was no one even to wish me. It went really bad his family even never came at the door to wish and welcome me. I felt so lonely and weird. In the other hand he was also not happy because his family was not agreed to do that. He was missing his family. He was happy that he was successful that he got me but there is no pleasure and encouragement to our life. It is even very difficult for me to recall those tragediesÖÖ.so bye for now