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      Hitting rock bottom

     



I found a man who was my best friend. A man who came closer to me than anyone before. We shared dreams, laughs and even heartache together. After seven years, he asked the question. I was thrilled and as a couple we planned the wedding of our dreams.


In the midst of all the happiness, life became harder. His parents were having problems, and I found a lump. Life drastically changed as for now the problems were increasing. His father disappeared for several days, later it was revealed he was having an affair. It turned out he had found an on-line girlfriend. This devastated everyone. My fiancÚ was so distant but he still hung on. He drove me to buy my wedding dress shortly after my breast surgery. Thank god, it turned out to be nothing.


Three days after the dress was bought he said he needed time. I packed some belongings, and moved to my parents. He said that he was having a nervous breakdown and I sadly bought it. The phone at my parents began to ring, and mentions of him cheating were apparent. I asked him several times to break it off if there was someone else. I just wanted the truth. He said he was not he said he was basically losing his mind. I held his hand, delivered some medications, and even went and got his mail.


After seven years I found out the man I adored, and thought of as my soul mate was nothing more than my imagination. He was let go and I wanted nothing more than to be left alone. We had a joint bank account and he made it hard to get my name off, and then I only took a hundred dollars. He ran around our very small town and told everyone I took it all. He told them I stole all the money and left him with nothing. I had to get proof of my hundred dollars to show the ones who heard the lies.


After that I was sure it was over, but the terror just began. He called a few days later, he said his mom wanted to commit suicide because her husband had run off. He knew I loved his mom and he called me so he could play with his new thing. I loved his mom, so even during my own problems I spent a week telling her how to be strong although I was crumbling myself.


He came back one final time to ask for my hand in marriage and I told him I never wanted to see him again. It was a lie but I thought if I was strong he would want me back. I left for three weeks to collect myself, and when I returned, he was married.


Two weeks later my doctor called to tell me he was concerned about the last tests I took, showing cancer another time. At this point I weighed 80 pounds and was smoking three packs a day. I completely lost my identity, and no longer cared about anything. However, a few weeks later I packed up and moved to rebuild my life. I was always sheltered and would never do anything different. Now for the first time I drove the highway. I moved to a place where I knew no one. I regained myself, learning who I really was and what I really wanted in life.


The best thing is that after repeated failures in relationships, thinking low of mankind. I found someone to make me feel good, he had to earn my trust. I did not want to let another in but for some reason he was not giving up. I finally realized that if a man cares for you, you don't have to be with each other everyday. I realized you can only build a relationship if both are willing. I will not tell you I did not fall into a crater, but I rebuilt my walls and am better off.


You can hear any story you want but when you hit rock bottom there is not one person who can save you but yourself.


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