The hardest heartbreak i have ever known
it all started back in september 2008. i was hanging out with a friend when i was currently introduced..to the person i know call my ex. we would chat over online & talk for hours. i couldnt quite read him but i knew there was more to the smileys and winking faces then i had lead myself to believe. last january i met up with him and immediately are eyes met.the glace was perfect. to this day i dont believe in love at first sight but i still felt i could call it that. he told me he loved me from the first day he met me. months went by and in january we hung out. one day we made it official after i kissed him in the elevator. i remember thinking how good of a kisser he was and how i wouldnt mind kissing him..maybe possibly for a long time. jan. 9th we made it official and from that point on we stayed together for about a year and a half. the relationship, just like every other..started out beautiful..but it was all so new to me and i was scared of the closeness we shared so early on..so i told him i needed space and i wanted a break to have some time for me. as my intuition always does, it kicked in and somewhere in my heart i knew as soon as i took "me" time..he would take "him" time..and sure ..he deff did..he hung out with his ex and i was not only furious but i was hurt and very taken back. but because at that point i began to love him..i believed him when he say he didnt cheat on me ..i was very nieve..my friends knew better and in the end they pushed me to talk him into telling me the truth..that he held her..and he kissed her as well. i was upset..i cried..i was frustrated and i didnt understand..how a guy who as sweet as him..who never cheated on his girl..decided to cheat on me..i blamed it all on me...from that point..my mindset had changed..altho i felt hurt..i loved him even more..but always with resentment in the back of my mind..i never forgot what he did. we eventually got overit..and we stayed together..we spend everyday of that year together..some days we couldnt but a mjaority of the time i had and the days i had..were spent with him... as im thinking back i miss everyday. .....but i took him for granted and i was still angry. i went to a aprty the day we had a fight and i cheated on him, i was drunk and i slept with someone else but because i loved him i told him the truth and i thought he accepted it..after that point our relationship took a dramatic spin and he began to become a diff person..all we did was fight and he became abusive..he choked me..grabbed me..shook me up and one night on my bed..we also had an argument and he slapped me across the face..i just stayed there stunned...and after he cried and i held him and told him it was okay..altho he caused me pain..i couldnt stand to see him cry, i honestly believed it was a mistake..so i let it go..i let alot of things go..he put me thru an abusive relationship for months off and on..he treated me bad..crushed me out..called me a slut...everything in the book..he did..but at the end of the day i just wanted him..so bad..i loved him soo much..so i looked past it..he threatened suicide almost everyday and attempted soo much..just trying to get my attention ..i stayed up alot of nights crying..i stayed up every night praying..i caught anxiety and i couldnt breath..i completly lost myself in the relationship..and my whole world was him..i held on to every good moment because i knew the bad was more powerful..i only wanted those good moments..i forgave him for everything but he couldnt forgive me for the mistake i made. i went thru hell and back for him..i lost soo much money over him ..i fed him everyday because he had no food in the house. i provided for him when he had nothing...we had been rocky toward the end of our relationship..and there was many times where i thought i was pregnant by him..it gave me soo much joy but it also put alot of stress on us...in all honesty..no matter wat stress we had..i never pictured us being without another..i thought we would have gotten married and stayed together for the rest of our lives. he was the one person i love and i miss every single day of my life. i gave up everything for him...i gave up school for him..i quit school to persue of life with him..to be with him everyday because it was needy but we couldnt be without each other..i guess eventually he got tired of me for watever reason.. i guess for all the fighting we did..and he let go. one day he was mine..the next minute he texts me and tells me where better off as friends..a few days later..i get a phone call telling me he has a new girlfriend..my head spun in circle..i couldnt breath..after that i was severly depressed..i didnt eat or sleep for 2 weeks..popped pills and tried to overdose..i killed myself a little because he broke every bit of my heart..since that day i have never been the same and i lost the love of my life and kills me because i will never have him again. hes living the dream i had for him, with someone else..and honestly..2 & half months later and its still very hard to picture..i just wanna hold him..i loved him and i would go back and give anything just to be with him again..i play it off like im not hurting but i miss him more then anything i have ever missed before..all i wanna do is find love to fill this emptiness but i know in my heart..no matter who fills the gap..it will never be him..and it will never be the same heart i had before. i miss laying with him..i miss his lips..i miss his jokes and his smile..i miss the way he held me..the way he always made sure i was safe...the way he protected me from harm and always called me to see how i was doing..i miss the love we made, i miss the love we shared..all the times we layed together wen it rained outside..i miss every memory i ever had with him and i really wish it would go away. i think i would give up my world to have him again. im hurting soo much and ill always be empty without him..he was the person who gave me reason to live and wake up in the morning. i was in deep love with him and just like that..he left. i miss everything we shared..and i pray for it again..until then..ill always love him..ill always remember everything we shared. memories like those never fade away. theyre always kept close in ur heart. and theyll always have a place in mine.
i love u!