Another Nobody Writing to Sombody
You know, itís been awhile since Iíve wrote simply for the purpose of writing. It seems to forget how writing can help you release your anguish, heartache or even triumphs. I am now in London, far from where I belong and I admit this is something that some people can only dream of accomplishing. Yet for some reason I donít feel like a part of any elite group. Iíve tried my entire life to become a member of a higher group or orientation and I have started to feel like I have simply wasted my time. This world is sometimes overwhelming, but I canít simply sit and mope about it, even though sometimes I feel like that is the only thing I can do. You see as my life progresses and I meet new people. I learn that the only things people can give me are headaches, mistakes and apologies. Is the thought of true love or even friendship for that matter simply mythology? Just another fairytale in mother gooses book of bull shit? I realize I probably sound like a depressed, confused and emotional preteen girl. Maybe a preteen girl can give me the answer Iím looking for. I listened to the most beautiful girl Iíve ever seen, tell me she was hurt by some jackass tonight. I donít get it. I would spend every day of my life to make sure I see that beautiful smile. Yet there is nothing I can do to help her because who gives a shit what some no name from Southern California has to say on the matter. I couldnít make her feel better even if I wanted to and believe me I want to. This isnít some feel bad for me memoir, itís more of a question to god, to that smile, to anybody who gives enough shit to answer me. I donít feel sorry for myself, I am what I am. That happens to be some fat kid from California that I hope has a lot to offer. The question is simple, what can a nobody do to help a somebody? I hope someday I find the answer to that question and I can help a beautiful smile show itself to the world. Even if the answer to the question is simply itís impossible. I would sleep better tonight knowing that I simply donít have enough in me to help. Until then my restless nights will continue and I will spend my days trying to find the answer.
To Tiff, I hope you find the miracle guy that everyone seems to be looking for because a frown on your face puts a frown on mine and I think I have some great teeth.