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      What to do, What to do.

     


I guess this story begins with a sensualist girl and a sensualist boy. They were what some call the ďbarrier people.Ē Those who build barriers and boundries and rules to keep themselves safe from ever suffering the pains that come with love and relationships. You see, its easier to run away when someone tries to get close to you, and wants to actually know you. Itís a scary thing when someone might actually care for you. These two definitely realized that, and fear governed their choices in matters of the heart. They believed it was better to live numb, governed by their own strict rules, and live without pain than to live and love and to suffer when that love was gone.

This boy and this girl met and each wondered, since they had both lived this life, who would run from who? As days progressed, they realized, they didnít want to run, for the first time. I was well aware of how quickly this could be taken from me, but I was already too deep, to pull myself out and run away. This led to my appreciation of every single moment shared, every touch and every memory that I was given with him. Slowly, we both realized in each other, we werenít happy with the life we were living. We were numb, not living at all really, just existing. We had both come to terms that what ever this was between him and I, it was changing our lives.

He had opened up to me and revealed what no one had ever known, and I was able to understand him better than any friend or relative. He understood what it was like, to finally care deeply for someone, and not for lust or selfish physical appetite, but for who they were. He is an amazing person, with a guarded heart. You would never think he was capable of loving someone because all everyone ever saw, was the hard persona he played. I was falling in love with the person I had been lucky enough to see. Everyday, Iíd wake up and I was so incredibly happy that I had this in my life, however so scared that tomorrow morning, I wouldnít be so fortunate.

This boy fit perfectly into my life, and he fit perfectly with me. For the first time, I held someoneís hands without feeling invaded, I finally was embraced completely, and didnít expereince that sudden rush to get out. Unfortunately, as fate would have it, I didnít fit so perfectly into his life. Although, I was all of these things for him as well, he was of a different religion. The religion was not accepting and pushed me away with a cold thrust of reality. How could it be, two people who saved each others lives were pulled apart by religion?

As we try to piece together the answer to this solution, we are falling to pieces. I could not imagine going back to a life of being numb, a life without him. I refuse to let this between us be turned into something ordinary like friendship. I refuse to watch this die. Whatever this is between him and I, is what I believe people fight for, die for, live for. I understand we may not have this forever, but its here right now. I refuse to live with the regret of letting go because it just became too hard. No one ever told me this would be easy, if I didnít suffer so much for this, would I really want it that badly? So Iím asking him to not promise me forever, donít promise me the world. Promise me tomorrow I will wake up, and he will still be there. All we can do is promise another day.

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