You said wed always remain strong...What went wrong...
Have you ever met someone who was afraid of them self, well now you have. I’m a teenage girl named Kyla who is addicted to escaping this world. I’m half Rican and half black with hair that comes all the way down to my butt. I’m a size 4 with tits size c. I have a nice waist and a medium size butt to go with it. I stand 5 feet 4 inches tall and…I get high daily. I get high because I can’t overcome my battles in life. Have you ever felt like there’s something’s that you just couldn’t escape? Well what ever that is, times it by ten and you’ll see where I’m coming from. I have trouble accepting the fact that I’ve been molested and I have no one too confide in. I was raised in a house hold with drugs. My mother was addicted to crack and my father is a big time drug dealer. He was with my mom for 15 years and left her after my sisters were born. I know that his name is Robert Christopher Williams but, most people call him Izzy. He was addicted to weed just like me. I also know that he has never wanted me and probably never will. If he cared about me, I believe that my life would have been different. I’m empty in my heart and when I’m not high, the only thing I think about is the time that I was molested. It surrounds my mind like the sun surrounds the earth. So, I smoke heavy and pop pills to escape. It seems like I blame myself instead of my molester because even though it wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t stop it from happening. I wish I could have but, since I couldn’t, I put the blame on me.
Not only do I take care of myself, I also take care of my five month old daughter Ma’Kyla. She’s the most important person in my life. She was born on my birth day which is May 22nd. She’s the best birth day gift I could ask for. I live my life for her. I’m a good mom. Ma’Kyla inspires me to overcome things. Not for me but, for her. She shouldn’t have to grow up the way I did, she should be able to have a great childhood. Her father is in her life as well as, mine .He’s the love of my life and supplies me with my medicine. Yes that means that I’m a high bitch who’s not a virgin and in love with a dope boy. This isn’t the life I chose for myself; I had hopes and dreams .I was going to become a model for cover girl. But, that’s out the window now and that’s where it’ll stay. A girl like me can’t and never will able to be a model. I’ll just stay in this ghetto ‘till I die. My friends say to me “you’re only sixteen you can go back to school. You can accomplish your goals and become the model of young boys’ dream”. Why can’t they understand! I can’t do any of that! I set goals for my daughter to be better than me. I hope she lives out the goals. I never had a mother there for me to help me reach my goals or, a father there for me at all. Things for Ma’Kyla will be different. She’ll be able to be what ever she puts her mind to. She’ll be famous one day, while I‘ll sit here and rot. People ask me why am so negative, or why do I want the best for Ma’Kyla and not for my self. I simply respond “I’m not a negative person; I’m a realist. I speak the truth and nothing else.”
How can you have a life like mine and set goals and expect to accomplish them? I was born to a non-caring mother who allowed her drug pusher to molest me when I was two so that she can get a hit of the crack pipe. Then she later allowed me to have sex and loose my virginity at the age of fourteen in my bedroom to the current love of my life, while she was downstairs listening. She was the first person to ever teach me how to escape my troubles by buying me a nickel bag of Sour Dez every Friday at the age of fifteen. She told me that I was a street hood girl and not to waste my time going to school. Although I let her poison my mind, I still went to school only because if I didn’t, I knew that shed get arrested for truancy. I couldn’t let that happen. We were happy high and wealthy. My mother is a strong woman who thinks of life as a waste of time. Her goal was to have two sets of twin daughters me Sasha (my twin), Makilie and Miracle and teach us her ways of life. Sometimes, I wonder if things would be different if I was born into another family or life.
6 MONTHS LATER
Today after 6 months Q was released from jail and moved into a new house and asked me to move in with him and I told him yes .Q is a dread head, light skin red bone rough neck who is also a drug dealer. I’ve never been to his new house but if it anything like his last one it’ll be paradise compared to where I live now. Ma’Kyla and I was instructed by him to pack nothing at all, when I got there I noticed why. Q had someone buy me and Ma’Kyla things that we had and some thing’s that we never knew exsisted.This is the way that we are suppose to live .I’m so glad I moved us and so is Q. He was so excited that he paid for a sitter because my best friend Dymond was out of town with her man. So that we could have alone time with each other.
He took me shopping witch knowing me I bought everything in sight. As we got back to the house Q told me to get dressed and meet him down stairs in an hour .I was about to ask where we were going but he answered my question before I could even get it out of my mouth. He told me to wait and see witch made me anxious but knowing Q I knew it was somewhere fancy. So I put on my Louie Vat on cocktail black dress witch was brand new and cost a total of one thousand dollars and my Louie vat on heels and took my black Louie vat on pocket book off my shelf I was set to go . All together I was wearing about 4 thousand dollars. He took us to a five star restaurant and let me order anything I wanted.
When we go back to the house I went up stairs to get ready for the night I noticed how excellent of a father Q was. He took her into his arms and embraced her tiny little body in a warm grizzly bear hug and kissed her on her forehead. I saw the laugh and smile on our baby girls’ face and knew that there was no better way to live. I remember the day when she was first born. She was 6 pounds and 5 ounces. I spent twenty two hours in labor with her. She was born at twelve fifteen on a sunny Saturday afternoon. When they placed her tiny body into my arms I couldn’t help but shed tears of happiness. She looked up at me with those huge clear grayish green eyes and put the biggest smile on my face. From that day forward I knew that my job in life would be to protect her from harms way. As I passed her to Q for the first time I saw him tense up from the fear of dropping his new born baby girl. He was a big baby that day; he shed tears from his multicolored eyes eye’s out. He later on told me the reason why he had cried is because he knew that he was blessed to have the perfect family.
Two months after she was born he took me and Ma’Kyla to California to his beach house. He told me that he had to handle some business there. Only to come to realize that business was me. On a moon filled night he took me and Ma’Kyla for a walk on the beach. As I was looking up at the stars I noticed that the sky was full of them. Q gently took my hand looked into my eyes and said I have something to tell you. As I began to say what he dropped down to one new .I then realized what he was doing. I began to shake ad tremble as he began to say the words “Kyla Juliana Anna Marie will you give me the privilege of being the love of you life”. I said the first thing that popped into my head …..YES!!!! As he slipped the shinny rock mounded diamond ring on to my finger my heart dropped. That is the second best day of my life, a day that I will always forever remember.
To think of it we are a perfect family. We have a beautiful twenty two month old daughter and a healthy relationship. I gathered my thoughts and headed for the bed room. When I got there I put rose petals and candles around our bed, Ran a hot bubble bath with candles surrounding it. I put on the eight track radio and played slow songs. I then slowly undressed my self and waited for my King to make his way towards the bedroom so that we could bath together. As he entered the bathroom he explained to me that he laid Ma’Kyla down to sleep and that the night was ours. He then began to suck on my tear drop shaped tits as I started taking off his shirt and pants. He then picked me up and placed me in the tub .As he began to get in I couldn’t help but think of the fun we’d have that night. When he was into the tub I put my body on to his. We then began to bath each other and cores’ each others skin. We played in the water like we use to when we were kids. We put bubbles on our private parts then washed them off of each other. It was about two hours that we just sat there talking, making out, kissing and washing each other off. As we dried each other off he told me that he loved me, he then began to tell me why. He told me that it was the fact that he has never meet someone as real as me and that my personality was a diamond in the rough. He told me that he knew that I was a great woman and couldn’t let me get away.
He then picked me up and carried me to the bedroom and laid me on the bed of our well decorated bedroom. He began to kiss me from my head to my toes. He sucked on my toes and worked his way up to my head .Kissing every spot on my body. He then stopped at my belly .He turned around grabbed the whipped cream and sprayed it all over my belly and began to lick, kiss and suck it off of me. He then placed his fingers inside of me and started to finger me. I moaned to the top of my lungs the sexiest moan I could make out, it felt amazing. He began to move his face towards my pussy.Before I knew it I was in tongue heaven. He vibrated his tongue on my click for about ten minutes straight. He then began to lick and suck the outer parts of my hole. He made me anticipate the impact that I was about to feel. When he moved his tongue to the inside of my whole and started to move it around it only took me about ten seconds for me to explode. He began to then lay me on the bed and put my hand on my stomach .Before I could moan from the gentle but yet rough feeling of his eight by four inch dick opening my well tightened whole. I felt his dick inside of my stomach .He and I hadn’t had sex in about six months and it was about time he had a taste of freedom. He pulled his dick in out of me and stroked me to the point where I was more than satisfied. He than began to lie on his back while gripping on my nice firm ass. I began to ride him with out a care in the world .He began to come at the same time as me, after about fifteen minutes. When we were done I decided to let him get a little ass action. So I flipped my body over and spread my legs. Before I knew it he was inside of my ass caressing my tits .He began to fuck me harder and harder till I felt a liquid drop from my thighs. When this happened I just pushed him on the bed got on top of him and went to sleep.
Today I woke up to my boyfriend inside of me, yes I mean inside of me. I like it when he wakes me up making love; I went to sleep the same way. I believe that if I had to choose between my medicine and making love I’d pick making love. Because when I make love to him I feel like I’m floating on clouds. Compared to being in another world making love is much better. If you haven’t tried it yet you totally need to. It has many blessing as long as you’re with the right person and they’re clean. It’s what bought me Ma’Kyla and it’s a great get away drug. Every time you do it it’ll get better and better. That is if you’re with someone who knows what they’re doing. Q is a great love maker there wasn’t a time that me and him made love when I didn’t explode. He goes down as well and without me having to ask him to, or give him the same in return. In fact I have never done that and probably never will. But when he does that to me he does it right to the point and I don’t even have to tell him how to do it. He puts life savor candies inside of me and sucks and licks them out. By the time he gets done doing this I’ve exploded at least three times. This is his favorite thing to do and when he does it I feel like I’m on cloud nine.
I decided to go see my mother Juliana and Sisters Ma’Kilee, Miracle and twin Sasha because it was my sisters Ma’Kilee and Miracle’s birthday. They were turning four years old. So I got me and Ma’Kyla dressed .I put her in her pink shirt and black puffy skirt with her black dress shoes. I wore the same but hot pink and with my black heels. We were set to go and looking sexy. As I pulled up to my old house I noticed my sister Sasha sitting on the front porch with her boy friend RJ. As I approached my sis ran up and came to give me a hug and got ma ‘Kyla out of her car seat. Placed her in her arms and stated to make her laugh. I know shell make a great mom one day I just hope no time soon. We then began to walk to the front door. When we approached my sister Ma’Kilee and Miracle began running out the front door. I noticed that they looked exactly like my mother. They ran by RJ who got up just in time not to get hit by the door and ran to hug me and Ma’Kyla. I knew that the same smile they had on there face would fade because unfortunately because every family gets together it begins with a smile and ends with a fight. As I opened the door I smelled the delicious smell of my mom’s food. I could taste it in the air, The house was beautiful witch was n surprise to me .My mom always keeps her house clean .When my mom came out to see me I noticed that her body was much healthier witch could only mean one thing. She was not taking crack any more .As she began to hug me I heard a strong male’s voice coming into the kitchen calling my little twin sisters name. As I began to form my mouth to ask “who he was I heard my sisters say “coming daddy”. I quickly put on a puzzled face because for as long as I could remember my mom never let her men around us. And the ones who did were never allowed to be called more than Mr. so I knew this had to be huge. I just got there so I didn’t start questing her yet.
As guests started to arrive and greet me and Ma’Kyla the man came out of the kitchen. He looked just like Ma’Kyla, Sasha and I. I quickly popped up to greet the 6’5 man who had on a gold Rolex watch, a red polo shirt , polo jeans and black polo vans. He was nicely dressed and you could easily tell that he had money by the way he carried him self. As I got up and started to walk towards him my sister Sasha pulled me out the door almost knocking Ma’Kyla out my hands. She told me that the man was our father. She explained to me that he came around the other day and told mom he wanted to resume his responsibly as a father. She told me that she knew I didn’t approve as well as she but she knew it was the best thing for our younger sisters and mom. As she finished her sentence he walked out of the front door. Knowing me I didn’t care what he had to say. I told him he could go to hell as well that we don’t need him now, like we need him then. I told him not to try to play the daddy role because I was sixteen and grown. As I walked inside I couldn’t help but think of having Q kill my father Izzy dead.
We came back into the house I saw my mom and decided to go over to her and talk to her. I pulled her to the side and told her how I felt. I told her that she was a stupid bitch in my eyes. I told her that if she accepts him back into her life that’d I’d take Ma’Kilee and Miracle and she’d never see them again. She looked at me dumb founded and told me that her life was her life and that she didn’t need us in it. She explained to me that she felt as if he was her life now .She also didn’t care if she shared it with us. I looked that conniving bitch in her eyes and punched her in her mouth. I stared noticing blood leak from the right side of her bottom lip as she began to reach for my hair. I blocked her hand and grabbed hers instead. I started hitting her in different spots of her face. All of a sudden I started feeling pain coming from my stomach .It was her punching me into my rib cage. Sasha got between us and broke us apart .I then went up stairs where Ma’Kyla was sleeping and got her and Makilie and Miracle’s things together and left with them and Sasha by my side. Later that night I bought my sisters back to my house. They were amazed at how nice it was. When we got in I sent Ma’Kilee and Miracle up to get ready for bed, while Sasha and I told Q what happened. He refused to kill him out of respect for Sasha and my other sisters. He told me that he knew who he was and that he knew that he was my father but couldn’t find the way to tell me. I accepted his words as they stung my heart. I couldn’t help but think of the relationship that he and I could have had but will now never be developed.
That night my stomach wouldn’t stop hurting so Q thought that it would be best for me to go to the hospital .Q called Dr.Phillip and told him that we were on our way. When we got there he was ready for us. He took my temperature and saw that I had no fever .He then touched my stomach till he got to the spot where the pain was. He told us that I’d have to get x rayed. An hour after my ultrasound he saw that I was three months pregnant and that the damage my mother did to my stomach caused pressure on my uterus. He subscribed me vitamins and told me that if I took them regularly I’d be ok as well as my unborn child. Ma’Kyla was now two years old and I knew deep down in my heart that having another kid would be like icing on the cake.
The next day I left Sasha the kids as well as twelve hundred dollars. So that she would watch them while went to see my close friend Jamir since Q was out of town. When I got there I saw a Teen dressed in a purple dress who was ghetto looking with gold hoops in her ears yelling at the to of her lungs at Jamir. I walked up to him wearing my lack poof skirt and hot pink shirt and heals. He grabbed me and told me that he’d be done talking to her shortly so I stood by his side waiting for them to finish.
Jamir “Why are you here”
Jasmine “Because I miss you”
Jamir “Well I told you already it’s over”
Jasmine” But I love you “
Jamir ‘You buggin”
Jasmine ‘Is that how it is now”
Jamir” That’s how it’s been”
Jasmine “Fuck you”
Jamir “Well no body told you to come here ….it’s over bye girl”
Jasmine” Jamir ……. I love you what about us”
Jamir “There is no us hahaha… bitch get real”
Jasmine “what about what we had …is this the reason why you doing this 2 me”
Jamir”NALL YOU CAUSED THIS ON YA SELF…… YOU CANT MAKE A HOE INTO A HOUSE WIFE ”
Jasmine” But… I’m pregnant”
Jamir” bye girl go find ya baby daddy cuz it aint me”
Jasmine” Fuck ya dumb ass”
Before she walked away she reached over and slapped him but made a mistake and hit me I took that bitch on head first and swung on ha face till Jamir pulled us apart. I called her a pathetic ass hoe .I told ha I don’t fight over dick cuz there’s too many in the sea. She looked at me and walked away. As she walked away me and Jamir went inside the house for a while but I left and went home because I felt something inside of me that wasn’t right.
When I got home I was re- assured that everything was fine. So I went to lay down in my bedroom As I laid in my bed Ma’Kyla walked in crying. I picked her up and place her on the bed beside me. I asked her what was the matter and she responded that she missed Q .I picked up the phone and called him. I then handed her the phone and she talked to him for five minutes.
I decided to take a two hour drive to go see Q because I became extremely Horney After taking a two hour drive to reach our beach house I found another girl there with my man. When he first saw me he had the most surprising expression on his face. He knew he was caught right handed .I asked him to introduce me to his female friend who by the way had on a black and pink coarsest and matching thong. She exclaimed she was not his friend but his women and her name was Jasmine. It seemed a little to familiar for me so I took a second glance at her and noticed it was the same girl form Jamir’s house. I stormed out and before Q had a chance to say anything I drove off in my car.
what should i do.....