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      Wrong again

     



I am happily involved with someone very special to me. He is the most important person in my life. And I am very close to marrying him. Yet, for some odd reason I keep thinking about the one who got away.


There was a 3 year difference in age, and experience. But he was sweet. Always there when you needed him. Never let me down! And I screwed up. I thought I was in love with another man, named Brian. I wasn't in love, I was holding on for fear of being alone. After Brian and I had broken up for the 3rd time, that was it. I swore no more. And I never looked back. However it was Justin that held me through the tears and brushed the hair out of my eyes when I was sad. He always made me smile. And even though there was the age difference, I knew we could make it work. In fact, we started dating and shortly after had a break from school so we couldn't see each other. And he wrote me a ten page letter (as I had done for him) all about the break and how much I missed him. But the one thing his letter had that mine didn't was "I love you." He told his parents that he had a girlfriend, and then told them who. They decided I was too old for him and we shouldn't date, yet we continued our wonderful relationship, through all the extra crap with my ex. He told his parents he loved me and would never give me up, and he didn't. He never gave up on me. See, I had to break up with him in order to go back to my ex, which hurt him every time. Though he knew, it would be about a week and I'd be back. The third time came that Brian said take me back, and I said I wasn't sure. Justin knew something was wrong, and insisted I tell him the truth and be honest. I did. Complete honesty. It broke him into a thousand pieces. He told me " I love you, but this is the last time I'm going to pick up the pieces from him." And I didn't believe it. I thought he would always be there. And he wasn't. 2 days later I decided no more Brian. I needed to focus on my Justy Bear and make things work, only he wasn't there. He stuck to his word that he wouldn't take me back. And he never has.


Later that year, he got close to me again, we cuddled and I kissed him sweetly, and he just stared into my eyes for over an hour. And finally a tear ran down his face, and he told me he couldn't do it. That I had hurt him too many times. We could remain friends, but never again would I feel his warm embrace or his soft sweet lips. I survived without him for 2 years. Then I saw him again and feelings flooded back into my heart. He misses me, he's told his friends, and I'll admit it- I miss him too. However I am weeks away from my wedding. And I wouldn't give up my Hubby for anything. But, I can't help but to think about Justin. I'll always miss him, and I'll always love him. He's gone his way and I've gone mine. But, my question is: should I confess my feelings or keep them all inside?

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