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      Too many people will get hurt

     


im in love ... and i love a man ... let me be clear.. im in love with my husbend and i love a man who is not my husbend... hes our friend one of our best friends and i loved him like i would a brother for the last two years but recently somthings changed i think hes fallen in love with me... way he looks at me, the thing he says whitch you cant mistake for any other meaning, but not dirty talk or anything like that, he said that he would kiss me if he could if only my husbend wouldnt be jelous that he wishes he could do more, that it was a blessing just geting to be around me and that he wishes he could be my love. he my friend and weve spent so much time together. its difficult not to let my heart fall in love with him, i find myself thinking of him more than i should and in ways that a maried woman shouldnt think of anyone else ....recently he huged me good buy like we allways did but this time he held me and lingered there with hes face right buy mine and was going to kiss me but i turned my face and so he gently kissed me in the cheek and then forhead and said ok, ... like ok he understood i couldnt do that because dispite this weird situation i still love my husbend verry much, im in love with my husbend after almost a decade of marraige me and my husbend are still best friends and completly in love so the fact that my heart is even being pulled like this is driving me crazy.... when my friend asked me if he could be my live i said your a love but not my love... i think it hurt him but what else could i say ever sense then things havent been the same hes pulled away alittle and out friendship seams a little more superfical now... i wish i could of explaned to him that i do love him and if life were difrent i could so easly fall in love with him, that i have to fight to not already fall in love with him ... its difficult because my husbend is not the most affectionate man, in fact hes kind of anti affectionate unless hes buzed or hes in "in the mood" and he thinks im just too tuchy feely he says he just wasnt raised that way so its hard to want affection and not get if from the man i should yet the man i shouldnt get it from wants to hold me in his arms all night ... again his words.. its crazy i havent done anything wrong and yet i feel so guilty .... i love a man who is not my husbend and im fighting to have integrity in my marrage, and not compaire all the things my husbends not doing to all the things i know my friend is willing to do and trying to appreciate my husbend for all the little things he dose do and all the love he dose give me. but i cant get the image if my friend out of my head nor the longing to be held and kissed so pasionatly out of my heart .... so i dont know if this is a love story or a heartbrake story the ending hasnt been written yet but i would love some advice



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