She says she loves me
It all started at the beginning of college. I had moved to a new college. I was struggling and missed my old place, wishing Id staid on there. Very upset one day I was online when a complete stranger added me... I wanted to tell someone how i felt. But this stranger girl told me to talk to another friend of hers because she had to go.
So I begun speeking to another complete stranger... she picked up my mood and i felt like I owed it to her. Afterwards when I saw her picture I was amazed, she was beautiful, she was different. My time at college got better after that although I ended up going back to my old place. For the next year we would speek over the phone all the time and share everything, talk about everything that great friends talk about, but we never met in person.
Shortly after the time we first met she started going out with this guy from her college, although shes always doubted their future because of religious complications.
A year after we first started speeking, we decided how ridiculous this whole thing was and that we should meet. Of course we met and she was beautiful, the attraction was mutual. About this time, their relationship begun to get shaky and show flaws, my fault? Partially, but nobody knows me better than her... and once we began meeting up it drove us closer and we would meet up more and more and it didnt take long until we kissed and did "things". All of this was kept quiet from the rest of the world.
A little while after, her boyfriend cheated on her and went all the way. She was heartbroken, but kept going with him, they go to the same college and have the same friend circle, which made it hard for her although she refused to accept that it was over between them.
Its been 4 months since then and weve been on and off and so has her relationship with him. At the end of this school term he hurt her and it really angered me. Nobody can touch her like that! Again they continued with each other and we were driven closer. Every school holiday we get close again but this time I told her we should leave it and break away from each other because she loves him fron my point of view. The only thing that will seperate them is the religious aspect and it was hard and love turned to hate for the time we never spoke from my end because I thought... she doesnt care.
But she got my home phone number and told me she wanted to go out with me, I said no but a few days later we met and had a beautiful day, I asked her out and she said yes... if she could break away from him for me with one month of college left that would prove that she really does want to be with me.
Afterwards she told me she cant do it to him but we should officially start going out after college ends. If she cant do it for me now then she wont ever be able to, right. So I said lets leave it, we should still be friends but lets never talk about us 2. In my head I dont want there to be another chance. I still really love her.
There is no anger left between us, I wish she could have left him for me. We still speek but evrytime we do I miss her more. I was rejected her love, but were best friends, its so hard to juggle the 2, it makes it so much harder for me to move on. I feel like starting fresh at university next year... because i feel empty without her, even with the friends i have.. Ive revolved around her so heavily for all this time.
I have exams this Summer and just wish I could focus on them, forgetting her... everything shes done for me...