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      Attraction

     


I met this guy in our school...When I was in First year in high school I do not notice him although he was known by many...I always hear his name from my girl classmates...but I did not paid attention to that...I am not attracted to any boys at school, because for me it is just a waste of time to give attention for an affair, besides I am still young.I was still 12 years old by that time...



When I am in second year...still I hear his name from my best friend...actually she really admires him, because she told me that he is very talented, kind, sweet etc...But still I did not care, my best friend told me a lot of things about him...good things...



In third year, he became my classmate, and ask myself why are those girls in my past years admired him so much? But why not me?...and I just think that there is nothing special about him...days had passed and he became my seatmate...but when that time came...I am not comfortable with him being my seatmate...so I just keep silent on my sit and do not even want to look at him...few days had passed, he started a talk with me, he asked about my life, family, friends that sort of things...then I just answered all his questions...weeks had passed, I had realized that I am already the one who is asking about his life...and after a month we became very close...we always laugh on our seats that sometimes our teacher will notice us and will scold us, but after that we will just smile, stop for a while, then talk again...



Then we started teasing each other, and sometimes we also hurt each other physically that whenever I got home I noticed that I already had this bruises on my arm...and of course he had more scars on his arm because by that time I do not cut my fingernails...but we were enjoying doing such things...



Suddenly one day we were scolded again by our teacher and she started to transfer me in another seat...I just smiled then say "bye" to him...



In our P.E class we were grouped for some dances which we must perform in our practicum...although I am not one of their members, every dismissal i go with them whenever they have their practices, because I am waiting for my neighbor who is one of his members.Then after practices we never changed the laughter, teases, and talks we had...and by that time he asks my number then we started sending messages with each other...



One time one of our classmate had courted me, and he started teasing me again, but I just laugh at him and started teasing him also with the other girl classmate we had, then we started to hurt each other again physically with a laugh.



Then after a month, I started to fall with our classmate who is courting me and he became my boyfriend...But then after that this good seatmate of mine did not talk to me anymore, every time I teas him, he will just ignore me, when I talk to him he will just keep silent pretending that he does not hear me...I do not know what his problem is but I just ignored him also, I did not tried to talk nor teas him anymore, thinking of the fact that he does not enjoying my company anymore...so I just paid my attention with my boyfriend, studies and friends...but as the days had passed I realized that I am missing him terribly...so one day I started to send him a message with a simple hi, from that message I thought he will ignore it again...but he replied...so we started to send sms with each other until I open up the issue about us...I ask him why he is not talking to me anymore, and i ask what his problem is,,,but all of the sudden he admitted something...something which I became confused of my feeling...he admitted that....he likes me, and by that time I do not know what to feel, If I should be happy or should I be sad about that...Happy because I realized that I also like him more than the feeling I had with my boyfriend...and sad because I am already with someone whom actually loved me, cared for me, but then here he comes admitting something which really a confusing matter on my part....then after that I told him that I like him too, which is of course not right to do, I know how wrong it was but I had just done it...then we started sending each other sweet messages, love quotes and others, but at that time I really enjoyed it, having a communication again with him after a long weeks...not thinking about others anymore, not thinking about my boyfriends feeling if he will come to know it...It also came to a point that I promised to my sweet seatmate that I will broke up with my boyfriend just for him, and I just asked him to wait...



Then in school, I ask for a talk with my boyfriend, the guilt had came into my mind and I did not do my plan of broking up with him so I just regret it...i just told him that i love him, which is I think not true, but I made him happy and told me that he loves me too, so I just pretended to be happy but within me it is not...after dismissal my good seatmate asked me if I had already broke up with him then I bow my head telling him that I cannot because of the guilt I am experiencing by the time when i was talking to him...so he just said ok, and he also told me that he will just wait for me until I am ready to do that...So we had this secret affair, but then as had told by everybody there is no secret that we can keep forever, the secret affair we had was discovered by our classmates and it became a big issue in our class, and of course I was also hated by everybody, that even my best friend also hated me, not because he like this sweet seatmate of mine, but because she did not like what I had done with my boyfriend...



So every night I just cried in my room not knowing what to do, do not know how will I able to correct my mistakes...but one night I just started to send again a message to my sweet seatmate that I want to end up the affair we had, of course it was so sad on my part, but it is the consequence of being a selfish person like me, even though he told me that he really loves me so much that he even called me several times, I made my decision and I decided to pick my boyfriend instead of him...So after that night I talked with my boyfriend and told him that I had just chosen him and I say sorry and he forgives me...then my sweet seatmate just face the reality and moved on...He also found someone for him to love and at last and I stick with my boyfriend and I tried to be loyal at him and never tried to look again with another man..and with this sweet seatmate of mine, we we are still friends but not as close as before...



to be continued.......

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