All That I Want In My Life Is Him!!!!
So...basically my story started with this guy Tony Thomas whom I met through the internet - facebook! .....love it for giving me him!!! It all started when I was 14 yrs
He added me as a friend on 13march, 2008. But it was my bad luck that I added him on august.
We used to talk everyday through messages. Soon we became close. We used to share each n every single little thing we had in our hearts and brains. Then in January 2009 when I was 15 yrs, I said him what I felt about him that he is becoming more than a friend to me, that I love him so much. It was an intense feeling what I had for him.
He then said me that he needs time to think because he too felt the same thing about me. He used to say I am different, that I am not like other girls, who just play with guys. And keep a lot of boyfriends. He said me that even he loves me.
But then I realized that Iím doing THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, because I wasnít beautiful, not at all the type which guys like. So, I said my best friend Mitch to act like my boyfriend. And then I said Tony that Iíve a boyfriend and I was kidding with him. GOD! That darn nearly broke ma heart. Our friendship which we had kinda loosened its grip. He said even youíre like the other girls. You know I hate flirting. Then he used to convince me a lot. He used to say that heíll convince his parents because he is a Christian and Iím a Muslim. I couldnít handle anymore, seeing him begging to me wasnít a pleasant scene. My heart shattered into pieces.
Suddenly, one day he stopped messaging me. I was really worried about him. Then one day he commented on my status on facebook. I felt so goddamn happy. I suddenly messaged him asking him how is he n where has he been. He then said me in March that he had a car accident and was in coma for 2 weeks. I felt helpless; I couldnít do anything but shout at him for his foolish driving. Then, he asked me one great question which made me realize that he accepted I was flirting with him, ďWHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME?Ē
I was really hurt that time. I felt so sorry for him that I broke his heart. Then, on March 31st he wanted to talk to me, I gave him my number and when he called me. My friends asked me who he is calling. My friend Lisa took my cell and talked to him. He asked really politely ďCAN I TALK TO NADIA?Ē and my friend Lisa tortured him saying ďNO, U CANTĒ, then my another friend Mary said me that he is dying to talk to me and that I should talk to him. And Lisa forced me to be rude to him. And I picked and I abused him a lot! Against my heartís will.
Then, in April I thought of saying him the truth I said him I said him that Iím not good-looking, he said me whether he asked anything about my looks. But, still I thought I shouldnít accept because heíll never love me if he sees me. During May, my feelings were going out of control for him. He used to cry so much remembering his ex-girlfriend who died in a car accident after which he started drinking and drugs.
I could feel his pain for his girlfriend, how much he misses her, everything. I could feel those tears in his eyes that pain which he had in his heart. I said him that I love him truly and I would die if anything happens to him. He tried to kill himself so any times. Whenever he used to get hurt I used to sit whole night crying. I couldnít see him in so much pain.
Weíve never seen each other. At least Iíve seen his pictures; he didnít even see any picture of mine. He never accepted me. In November 2009, he said me that he loves me still but isnít ready for a relation. He hurt me a lot during these days saying that he forgot me. He doesnít love me anymore. I tied to kill myself many times. Cutting my veins and stuff. But, then one day he accepted me. I was feeling like Iím on top of the whole wide world. We used to talk everyday for hours and hours. He wrote such sweet poems for me. And then my friends said me that he accepted me just because he thinks Iíll kill myself or hurt myself if he denies me. I was more than hurt that time. I wanted to die. Then I gotta know that he has a girlfriend, but I didnít believe. My heart shattered into a million small-small pieces inside. THIS HURT ME MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD... why did he lie to me? If he would just say the truth it wouldnít have hurt me so much. I donít know what to do now! He is my life. I canít live without him. I would rather die. But Iím sure he isnít playing with me. I donít know why people say about him like that. I love him so much that I canít even think about living without him!!!...my heart is shattered into so many pieces that Iíve got no hope Iíll be that old smiling girl again!!....Iíve changed a lot...I donít laugh or smile. Every time Iíve tears in my eyes. Now that Iím 16 yrs, itís been one and a half year love with him and people want me to forget him in one second. Which is not possible. I LOVE HIM FOREVER AND EVER!!!!