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      A confession to make....

     


It was month of October when my cellphone beep I been to hospital for the whole day that time because our baby is scheduled for an ostomy surgery. It was a tiring day for us but I have time to text to find a compatible blood type for the operation.



… I look at my cellphone to see who the sender of the message was and it was quite disappointing to know that it was not the person I expect to text me. The number was not familiar to me, it was not registered in my phonebook, I read the message saying hi!! With the curiosity in my mind, I replied to that number asking the sender with the typical question “hu U?”As the sender reply he says who he was and explaining how and why he txt me… Though it was an exhausted day for us, my twin and I decided to unwind and celebrate for the success of the operation. We are exploring the lane of recto the “ukay-Ukay” lane and my phone once beep. It was him again… anyway I don’t give much time to him that time… I don’t even entertain the thought that I might probably betray my special someone by being curious with this anonymous sender… I replied again saying “were busy, I’ll txt you later.” And he responds again saying that “enjoy.” I stick to my mind that I don’t need to be rude to this sender for he was a friend of my friend and this makes me decide to be friend him… Anyway it’s just for fun… I don’t even have a plan to let him into my life.



But through the span of time that I thought it would be easier for us to be just that, but it’s not… It deepened into something different and I asked myself; if it is something like “MAGIC.” Whew! It’s been so fast… It’s like a bubble gum that pops into my face… And yeah… Oh and yes it starts to something difficult to handle… and of course I entertain the feelings because in reality I enjoy the company, the talks, the jokes, the dependentness and probably the person…I expect a lot from him though I know and he confess that he’s not that god but then even he is like that ….My God I fail to suppress it….. It embraces my system and the outcome is…Yes I live my days with that, and yah as I thought, it is a magical feeling…



From that very moment I tell it to my parents that I have this special someone and I tell them everything about him and of course they were quite surprise but then they support me butadvice me to finished my study.. And yes they are not against him but give me the condition to tell him to go in our home for him to meet them… But the thing is, it will never happen now… it never will…



The moment I tell it to my parents it was an open system that everything going on with me and this person is a confession and it was an obligation for me to tell what is it… yes… they know what the situation between me and you… and yes from that moment that you propose that you want me to stay with you but you have someone new they hate you and warn me to go away from you.. And yes it disappoints me… and hurt me… I cried not because you’re leaving me but because of the thought that I let you into my life and decide to be faithful and fixed to you and to love you with whatever degree I have in loving and yet you betrayed me… But through these thank you for the memory… I learned a lot…



You are the first person who let me into my life that near and what you thought to my vulnerable heart is to be afraid to let somebody in again… wit this I’m leaving my days with the feeling of weakness,scare,insecurities and pain… and that’s it I confess I Love you…. Ahahahahaaahahahaha… but I can’t stand the pain I need to breath and take it easy because the things you want to happened is selfishness… you are asking me to stay with you and don’t let you go… but you have someone new.. You have your commitments…. What do you want to happen to me? An option… oh common!!!! Now with that you’re hurting me much… And yes with that live your own life… no matter how hard and how difficult for me to let you go!!!! I will gather all my strength to leave you!!!!!!!!! Ang selfish mo I hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!



I always ask myself is there something wrong with me? Am I too weird, am I not that good?Am I ugly? Am I not worth it to commit with? What’s wrong? I’m so confused which part did I go wrong… which way I walk and choose that I’m not belong? Is everything is my fault? So many suppress thoughts…. I hate this… I can’t ask you this because I’m afraid to know the answer… I’m so scared to hurt …If time comes that we see each other again I’m hoping that you’ll be the best nurse that you can be… and probably you’ll tell me that you learned a lot from the things that happened to us… I just want to confess that; though we end up like that… It would always fall to the one category… I fall in love and that’s it… though I hate the way you deals with me.. I will never regret the things we shared that made me happy… thank you for whatever appreciation you have for me… and thank you for the rest of the moments and memories… thanks for the time… and for let me feel that I’m capable to love and made me realize that I’m not as cold as ice…. I don’t want to fight… I surrender…. It’s been so long no signs no symptoms…. I know you’re too busy with your someone and you forget about me… I want to see you happy… I let you go… just tell me when you need me… for whatever reason I will choose to still fall in love with you…yes probably… Goodbye and be happy… God bless you!!!!!

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