it was 5th grade and i looked horrible!! i was dark and ugly looking girl. i had long nappy hair, bushy eyebrows, fat, couldnt talk proper english.so they put me in a biolagual class. we had to go to diffrent classes than normal. well i had a class with this boy name dylan betancourt. he isnt a hotty or anything but i still liked him alot since 1st grade, he liked me to but we never had the courage to say it. but everything went wrong. my best friend vanessa had a little crush on him to and i noticed he liked her to.. that made me a little sad but not really. on the last day of school of 5th grade my mother told me i was gonna go to another school for 6th grade that morning. so i went to class that morning and told vanessa and jazmin, another best friend of mine. vanessa helped me tell him how i felt by giving him a little love card. when school was over my mom went to get me at the school and before i left he was walking with his best friend elvis and i gave him the letter and i took off.
i saw him once in a while in the summer at target but when i did see him. i would take off becuase i was so nervous! and one time he talked to my smaller sister to ask her if i was ok. and i dont know. when i would see him. i would be so nervous and shy and scared. then when school started i never saw him agian. i would wish i did. but i didnt. the store was closed after that. so there was no way i was ever gonna see him agian. 6th grade year started and i changed my appearance.. i cut my hair, did my eyebrows, and got a little slimmer. i had a real girl body. my boobs grew to a size c and i dont know i looked diffrenet. i was asked out and i would hang out with some real bad girls but i never forgot about dylan. he was always in my mind. once in a while i would draw his name in class and day dream. there was not one day i wouldnt think about him. he was all i can think about. my whole 6th grade year was all about him. i would right in my diary and there was not one page were i would mention my life and stuff.. only stories about me and him. the school year was over and i went 7th grade. he went to the same middle school i went! i was so excited!! and happy!! my heart beated so fast when i saw him in the middle of the crowd during lunch that first day. i was so happy!! but then my heart got broken. when i saw him.. he didnt say hi.. so i said F**K!! THAT NIKKA!! and just took off. this guy asked me out later on that week and his name was alejandro garduno. he was my first boyfriend. we went out and stuff and we would cuddle then one day. this guy name fernando came up to me and told me that dylan liked me. i was so so so happy! i totally forgot about alejandro.. so i got a pencil and paper out and wrote him a note.. i wrote.. "hey i heard you liked me. your homeboy fernando just told me that. is it true?" and i gave it to fernando and the next day he gave it to me. i was so so nervous to open it. i was like shaking and smiling and like i couldnt believe it. i closed my eyes and opened the note.. this is what it said.. " i never said that!! but if you want to go out sure" i wanted to cry so so so bad when i read it.. when i got home i cried and cried.. but i did responed to the letter.. " hahaha it was a joke, i dont like you" and the next day he gave it to fernando and he gave to to dylan but it was on a diffrenet paper. the note that made me cry, i kept until i lost it when i moved again. i didnt talk to him ever agian. that year was the most horriblw year ever! i went out with so many guys, i made so many mistakes!! i went out with 5 guys that year! i was so unhappy. i had problems at home and at school. i was being backstabbed.. rumors started and all that stuff. but the whole time i was there.. not one minute did i ever stop looking at dylan and think about him. no matter what drama i was going through. he was the one that made me forget. without even trying. just his smile and face would make my heart melt and bring joy but then i would remember what he felt. i just couldnt handle it.. then the school year ended and i went to another school again. i met this girl name susy and she was the best. we became close friends at that time and yes. i didnt stop thinking about dylan but i didnt see him during 8th grade year either. but one day. i ran across a phonebook and i knew dylans last name so i thought maybe i should look through it and call all the phone numbers. i did.. on my 20th try i found his number.. and it was his mom who answered.. i asked if he was there and she said "no his not here. can you leave me your name?" and i was going to leave my name. instead i said "yea tell him natalie called him.." he never called bak tho. i called agian just to see if maybe this time he would answer instead i got the answering machine.. so then i never tried agian.. freshman year came and i didnt have nobody agianst me this time. i was real cool with everyone. my friend susy had lunch at the same time dylan did and she would talk to him sometimes.. one day i skipped classes just to go talk to him but he didnt want to talk to me.. so i said whatever.. but then i just couldnt give up! i tried talking to him another 3 times but no results came thru. then on dylans birthday.. my mom was shot and killed by my father. it was the most horriblw day ever for me!! i was so sad and mad and i dont know.. i dont want to talk about that.. i gave up on dylan for good but then i noticed him on myspace.. so i just decided to send him a message there.. i didnt think he was gonna respond but he did and i wasnt happy like how i expected but i still talked to him.. i asked him everything about why he said this and that.. and did he like me.. ke said he did bak then.. but i never asked him if he liked me now.. i never thought about it.. i just asked him all the old questions and i knew all the answers.. then i found out that he had a gitlfriend. so i stopped asking.. i gave him my phone number and he did text me but icould never text him bak.. he was using his i phone and some kinda stuff but i could never text him bak when i wanted to.. so then we stopped talking for a while becuz i didnt have internet anymore.. but when i did get online he would have a new girl.. then i told my ex boyfriend about dylan and he would tell me tat he was not a good guy and i would believe him.. i cried bcuz the dylan i knew was completely gone.. i couldnt believe it.. then one day i got on myspace and saw his profile and i couldnt believe it!! he was going out with vanessa!! and they didnt break up.. ever.. and till now thier together and im not thinking of getting in there way.. and they been going out since march 29.. i wuld right to him sometimes on myspace but sometimes he would write bak but not all the time.. i have thought about him but not as much.. i wrote to him not that long time ago and he told me that he love vanessa and she loves him to.. so i dont think im going to ever have a chance with him. it feels like this is the love that can never be shown ever.. no matter what i do.. i wish i c0uld tell him what ifelt and thought but thats never gonna happen. his in love right? but not with me. so all i can do is try to find other love some where else.. maybe i will or maybe i wont.