Have you ever loved someone enough to let them go?
Ok, heres my story...
i was living the best time of my life, when everything seemed perfect and nothing could go wrong. I wasnt really interested in boys much. oh, i would check them out and rate them but i wasnt interested in being in a relationship. I was totally against marriage and any other type of serious commitment. The reason being is that i used to enjoy observing people and for every happy couple i saw, there were three others who just werent happy together or forced to be together because of their kids or some other reason... But then he came...
we met on a chat site, he seemed different from other boys and i could feel myself falling for him, hard. I knew he liked me as well and if i just had to drop a hint, he would tell me his feelings but being as against relationships as i was, i used to push him away, that never deterred him though. He was patient and waited and i was falling for him all the more.
my feelings for him terrified me. I didnt want love, i didnt want to be inlove, i didnt want to be loved and so i stopped all contact with him. I left the site and stopped chatting to him. Gradually i managed to forget my feelings for him. I thought i was over him. Months went by and i slowly managed to stop thinking of him but it didnt end there.
we still had each others email addresses and months later, on my birthday, he sent me a ecard. We exchanged afew emails and started chatting again, it was obvious after a few days that i had never really gotten over him. I burried my feelings for him but i never got rid of it. I fell for him all over again and once again i panicked and ran. I stopped emailing him and stopped all contact with him. I knew i would never get over him but i once again burried my feelings for him and stopped thinking of him.
about a year went by and i managed to convince myself i was never inlove with him, that it was only a very strong infactuation. On his birthday i sent him an ecard and once again we started chatting. My burried feelings resurfaced and i was once more inlove with him. One day he decided enough was enough and after losing me twice already he was going to confess him feelings and so he told me he loved me. By then i had decided that the brave may not live long but a coward does not live at all and so i told him i loved him too. Thats when we got together and went out on our first date, everything was perfect. He turned out to be really hot and everything i ever wanted in a guy. Our relationship blossomed for 6 whole weeks and we were inseparatable. Then he started pushing me away, seeing me less and less, spending more time with his friends then me. When i asked him about it, he said he was going through a difficult time but assured me his feelings were still the same. He still loved me. I gave him his space and let him try to cope with his crisis. I knew he would tell me about it when he was ready.
the day came when he decided to confess what was bothering him. It turned out he was on drugs. I couldnt belive it, it just didnt seem possible. But no matter what, i knew he was the one for me and that no other guy could ever be him. I told him so, that i didnt care if he was on drugs or not, i loved him and i always would. That i didnt want to lose him. But he didnt want to mess up my life, said i deserved someone better, someone who wasnt in a stupor most of the time. And so he broke up with me.
we still chat and meet occasionally, our feelings for each other is still as strong as ever, if not stronger, but now we just friends, no more. He still says he refuses to mess up my life. I know i will never be able to love anyone else the way i love him but im trying to move on with my life.