I miss her
Growing up I did not have a very good childhood. My parents fought a lot and eventually got divorced. Now everyone in my family hates someone else. Nobody seems to care about all this turmoil but it has really taken its toll on me. I have always wanted a family that cared about each other and helped each other out. Never in my life have I felt good. I never knew what it was like to be happy. And then I met her...
We met when she was a sophomore and I was a junior. I was kind of a bad kid at the time, getting into trouble and doing things without care for the consequences. She was shy and kept to herself. She did not talk to anyone, save her friend. When I first saw her there was something about her that I noticed. Something caught my attention. She did not talk to people and it made me interested. Still I could not pinpoint what it was that I saw in her and I wanted to get to know her. She was so beautiful. Naturally beautiful. She was petite and slender. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen and I fell in love with her. At first she was intimidated by me and she kept her distance. I started saying hi to her and having short conversations with her. Eventually she became more comfortable with me to the point that she trusted me enough to be alone with her. Everyday that I woke up I could not wait to see her, to say something to her. To see her smirk and hide her smile. She was so beautiful and I fell in love with her more and more each day.
A few weeks passed and she became comfortable with me. I would tease her and make her laugh just to see her smile and hide her face. It took me a long time to convince her that she had the most beautiful smile and she should not hide it. Then one night I took her out into the country to my special spot. I laid out a sleeping bag and I got out a blanket. It was October and the air was starting to cool down. We got under the blanket and I did my best to make her comfortable and make her trust me. We laid there in the cool October air and talked the night away as we watched the stars, my heart pounding away in my chest. I took her home late and then that weekend she left. She went to Arkansas with her family and when she came back something had changed. She talked to me and told me that for some reason she missed me. She said the stars were so beautiful and she wished that I was there. We kept talking for the next week and then I asked her if she would like to go camping with me. She trusted me and she said yes. So, we went out to the lake and set up a tent. As we lied under the blankets and sleeping bags that I had brought, I got close to her. I rubbed her cheek with my thumb and then I moved down to her lips after a few seconds she closed her eyes and I moved in to kiss her. I became lost in the feeling that swept over me I knew from that moment on that she was meant for me. It was at that moment that I realized that I wanted to spend my life with her. It was at that moment that she gave me something that I had never had. It was at that moment that I found out what it feels like to be happy.
Another week passed and she avoided me. I caught up to her that weekend and talked to her. She told me that she made a mistake. I asked if I could give her a ride home and she said that was not a good idea. I started walking away and she changed her mind. We got into my car and I started driving. For some reason I told her everything about me right then. The way I felt, what has happened to me. Everything. We talked for a couple of hours and then I pulled into a parking lot. We sat in silence for a few moments and then she said something that changed my life. She looked at me and said, “Matt. Will you go out with me.” I said yes and then I took her home. That night I went home and I could not sleep I was so excited. I never thought that this would happen to me. I never thought I would find the girl for me, and I did.
We started out doing great. I got a job and bought her all kinds of things even though she assured me that she didn’t need that. We fell in love with each other and she started to open up. I told her everything and eventually she knew me better than anyone. We did all kinds of things and introduced one another to new things. We went fishing, camping, kayaking, sailing, shooting. All kinds of things. One day we went to my house and she started talking to my mom. My mom asked her about us and this is what she said, “He’s fixing my life.” I had never been able to fix anyones life before and to know that that is how she felt made me that happiest person on earth. I woke up each morning thanking God that he gave me another day with his angel. We were doing so good and I was so happy. When we first started dating I didn’t really like going to her house because I felt like a stranger and I felt like I was intruding. Over time I began to love her family. Over time her little sister became my little sister. Over time she gave me something that I had always dreamed about, my own family.
Fast forward two years. She became a different person and so did I. I no longer went out and did stupid things. I thought about how my actions would affect others before I did things. And her. She blossomed into a smart, beautiful, funny, exciting young woman. Far from the shy lonely girl that I had first met. We shared so many things with each other. We had lost our virginity to one another and we were in love. There was nothing I would not do to make her happy. I got better jobs to buy her more things and eventually I missed out on opportunities that I should not have. She became disappointed with me so I worked more to buy her things. We loved each other to death and were already making plans to build a life together. Two years had passed and she was getting ready to graduate high school the following spring. We made so many memories in that time and we had plenty of fights. I hated fighting and every time we did I felt so bad. I always changed who I was so that she would be happy and I assured her that as long as we had one another that everything would be alright.
She graduated high school and then we looked forward to spending the summer together. I signed up to go into the United Stated Marine Corps the following October and it was a hard decision for us but we both decided we could get through it. Another few months passed and things went well. I took her to Colorado to my sacred spot, the most beautiful place in the world. I shared that and many other memories with her and everyday I did my best to make her happy.
We were coming up on our three year anniversary and she was going to college. We live in a college town so she wasn’t far away. She joined a sailing team and she went away for a weekend to Texas. The following Monday was our 3 year anniversary and I had planned the best week for us. She got back late on a Sunday and we were going to see each other the next day.
The sun came up on Monday and I was so excited. I went to run some errands and then she called me. She ended my life with 5 words. “We need to break up.” That is what she said to me. I asked her if we could talk and she said no. She left with a friend to go out of town for a few hours and then she came back. We went to dinner and I talked to her. She said she was not happy anymore because we never had time apart. She was mad that I had not done things that I needed to do and that I had not done things for myself. She left me and did not look back. I hurt so bad right now because I know that she was the one. She was perfect even though she refused to believe it. She was beautiful, especially when she first woke up. I love her so much and I miss her dearly. I would do anything to have her back. I would do what ever she wanted to have her back with me. I love her and I would spend the rest of my life trying to prove to her that I was not a mistake.
Allison, If you are reading this please know this: I love you. I love you with every bit of my heart. I care about you and I want to build a life with you. I want to have a family with you. I want to grow old with you. I want make you happy. I want to share my life with you. Mostly I want to spend every second of the rest of my life convincing you that I’m the one for you. I cannot show you that in a day or a week or a year. I need a lifetime to show you that. I love you so much.