It´s been a while.... pt. 2
.... at that time, I knew that J and her boyfriend had problems. he was a control freak, and he started to behave creepy. he was even jealous at Jīs mum and family, because he thought that J was spending too much time with her own family than with him. well, to be honest, this was really sick for me, because he always appeared as a good guy to me. nevertheless, we celebrated their test results and all seemed pretty much happy, including J. after buying snacks and drinks, and while going to our favourite place behind the high school, J said, actually pretty much happy sounding "I am single again". we were all stunned! so everybody wanted to hear an explanation, so she started explaining that it was too much for her. she couldnīt stand his behavior anymore, and the only reason that they were together for so long was that she was scared of him. so thatīs all that should be mentioned about this. so we celebrated, we had fun, we were all happy, and later that night, after bottles and bottles of booze, J and I ended up making out. i was too drunk to think about it, i just enjoyed in kissing her soft and smooth lips and playing with her tongue. when we stopped for a moment, she pulled me aside, and said that she needed to tell me something. very but reserved but yet extremely honest, she said that she liked me a lot, not only liked me, she said that she just adored me and loved being in my company. soon after that conversation we all went home, pretty much drunk and, as far as me considered, confused.
i woke up, repicturing every single detail from the previous night. i was thinkin about J and about how much i liked her too, but never actually thinkgin about the option of having a relationship with her. at that time, i was in a pretty weird relation with a girl, and i was thinking about that girl. we had some problems at that time, and my syllogism was that we should break up. and so did i. thinking about J and all that happened, as the result of my lack of self-confidence i somehow came to the conclusion that J only kissed me because she was drunk. so i texted to a friend, the only one who saw that we were making out, and he suggested me to wait till we all go out that night again, and to talk with her. and so we did. we talked. she truly liked me a lot, and it was not the alcohol who made her kiss me. so we started hanging out more and more, and we started dating. even today, i say that those were the best and happiest days of my life. it lastet only one month, when she said, that we should break up because she couldnīt stand the feeling when i would have to go back home. that was the worst August of my life. my family went to the seasyde for the whole month. i was to depressed to go out and the fact that i was home alone, wasnīt really helping. i felt terrible. i just couldnīt accept the fact that it was over. after a month of suffocating in desperation and despair, just a few days before my departure, a friend organised a goodbye-party. J was also there. i hated her at that moment, because her reason for breaking up was that she couldnīt stand the feeling of letting me go and she also said that she wasnīt sure if she was ready for a new real relationship. the day after she broke up with me, she started dating another guy, she was already seeing him at the time we were still in a relation. it was just horrible. that party sucked for real, but i loved her. i realised it that night. and again, after bottles and bottles of booze, she hugged me and started crying saying through moans that she missed me the whole month. she said that she couldnīt forgive herself for what she had done. i was stunned. there was no point in a relationship for i was leaving in 2 days. my last night was confusing. we ended up holding hands and kissing. we were together again. after just 10 days back home she broke up again via chat. iīve never felt worse than at that time. she literally destroyed me. it took me whole 2 months to be able to go out with my friends home, and to smile and laugh, altough i still loved her more than anything. somehow, i donīt know how, we started texting each other, and for my birthday in november she texted me a message which blew my mind. again, she claimed that she missed me... i was too confused to think, the only thing i knew was that i loved her a lot, so i forgave her everything. but it was strange. it was a relation via chat and text messages. it was strange, because we changed our relationship status a few times without even seeing each other. so i decided to visit her for her birthday. we were a coupple again. it was perfect again, altough it was only for one weekend. from that point, everything went wrong....