its almost been a month and i still cry over him. i feel lonely, sad, rejected, not good enough.
it took a week to make the break up official. he said it was just the right thing to do. im 20 years old. hes 30. i was in love with him. i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i saw me in that white dress walking down the aisle to him at the end. we talked about kids names and when was a good time to get married. he said he would propose when i was done with school. i thought it was all good. one day he turns to me and says letting go is the right thing to do. he wants someone that thinks of things and prioritizes in a way that i dont simply because of my age. my head is in a different place because i am 10 years younger. i told him to just give me time, ill get there eventually. he said he didnt have that time. you also see, i have about 4 years left to school when i finally reach my goal and the career i want to be in. i guess he finally made up his mind that he wanted to have a family sooner than that and he didnt want to wait for me to finish school to start a family. he finished with i love you. he loves me but not enough to wait for me. not enough to know that spending the rest of his life with me was good enough to wait for me. i didnt give him enough to not let go. Now hes out there trying to find his future wife when all i can think about is.. it was supposed to be.
he played with my head, he played with my feelings, he wasted a year and a half of my life to in the end basically say i love you but not enough.
i think of him everyday and i want him to get out of my mind. i dont want to think of him. hes everywhere i go and i just want it to stop. i feel like this pain is never going to go away.