The man of my dreams? Not so much.
In November of 2006 I had ended a two year relationship. I started keeping my mind strictly on work. In February 2007 at work one night a young man and a few people I knew came in. I talked to the people I knew and went on about my life. A few hours later my friend came back in...and so my story begins.
Little did I know this would be the man I would fall head over heels in love with and would have a child with.
We ended up going out on a date and he bought me roses. Treated me like a queen. He came over a lot and we spent a whole lot of time together. For the first three months you couldn't of asked for a better man. Things changed. Something happened. He turned into what he is today. The cheating and the lies started. I put up with this until about November. I was devastated, so hurt. I had never felt so much pain so much hurt in my life. But for some reason I kept running back. I was madly in love with this boy. I ended up acting a complete fool for him and degrading myself just so he would be with me. I knew about all these other girls but it didn't matter as long as he was with me. I hung on to every word he said. When he would leave, I would cry myself to sleep. He hurt me so bad. I ended up getting so down that I had to go to the doctor and get put on some medicine. I cried all the time at work and when I would come home I would lay in bed and not move. By November I had finally gotten on my feet and was finally going to move on. I had started hanging with someone else. But it was too late. November 20 I had found out I was pregnant. I called the boy crying telling him we were going to have a baby, and he told me he didn't want the baby to get an abortion. Begged me too actually.
I never spoke to him again after that. I heard he was saying it wasn't his because I was a whore. I kept my head up and continued to work. I would see others with their kids and I would go home and cry because I didn't have that. I went through 9 months of pregnancy alone.
The day he was born he came to see the baby for an hour. He left. When my baby was three months old he called and wanted a DNA test, i refused at first but finally gave in. I wanted to prove him wrong. Three weeks later...99.999% his.
So hell begins.
From that point on he decided he wanted to be in the kids life. Not so much. He only came around when he thought he needed too. When he did come he wouldn't hold him or love on him. I didn't understand. How can he not love him? What did I do wrong? What is wrong with my son? So the crying began again. The misery and the heartache. Finally I was done with it. I changed my number and wouldn't speak to him anymore. It worked for three months. When he finally found me and begged me to be in his life that he wanted to make things right. He realized how wrong he was, how much he regretted when he had done. He wanted to make things right for the baby.
Not so much.
Two months into this, he has went back to his regular ways. Once again, left me crying and feeling ashamed of what I had done. Not only did I do this to myself, but I had done this to my son. My beautiful baby boy. I have once again left and do not plan on going back.
Someone that I cared so much about and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, has turned into the worst person I know. I loved him with everything in me and done everything in my power to make something work but couldn't.
I am now a young single mom, working to get into school, and working to support my son. By myself.
I have decided to be as strong as I can be and to hold my head up for my little boy and to make sure he never sees me hurt again. To make sure he is as happy as he can be. I will be strong for him. I will be someone he can be proud of. I will find me someone one day that will love me for me and who will love my son as well. Until then...It is getting easier and easier every day. The heartache is gradually going away.