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      Forever In My Heart...Brent Passed April 15, 2009

     


My beloved Brent passed away on April 15, 2009. I would like to thank my wonderful family and friends for your love and support during this difficult time in my life. I am blessed to be surrounded by your comfort during my time of sorrow. Thank you for your prayers, calls, e-mails and cards.Your continuous thoughts and prayers have meant more to me than words could ever express.



I am sharing a page from my private journal that I wrote the night that Brent died. Brent & I met on eHarmony in May 2008 and fell hopelessly in love! Ah! You really can find true love online! Although our time together was brief, our romance was a true love story. "Our song" was by Don Henley..."Taking You Home" and we used to sing to each other these words from the song..."And this love...is like nothing I have ever known!" I was truly blessed to have Brent come into my life...he taught me how to love...truly love someone...unconditionally! Brent will live in my heart forever...



MY PRIVATE JOURNAL APRIL 15, 2009



There was an urgency in my drive to see you today, baby. After speaking with your sister last night, in my heart, I knew your time on earth was fleeting. How I prayed you wouldn't leave me in this world, all alone.



I arrived at the hospital at 11AM. When I called to see you, the ICU nurse told me I would have to wait until the visiting hours began at noon. I went back out to my car. The air was chilly and it was a miserable, rainy day. I sat in my car and read my mail to pass the time. I actually put a little makeup on...I wanted to look especially pretty for you.



At 11:45PM I walked back to the hospital...longing to be near you, to touch you, hold you, kiss you, comfort you. I was allowed into your room exactly at noon. I performed my normal routine of washing up before entering your room and tip-toed over to whisper in your ear that your "Queen" was by your side. Today I pulled up a chair and sat next to you, gently caressing your arm and holding your hand. I spoke softly to you...over and over again...telling you how much I loved and adored you. You looked peaceful, but your look conveyed a sense of your wanting me to be near you now. Somehow...I knew that you were leaving me. Oddly, I was at peace. In my heart, I knew I had to be strong for you.



I played Don Henley's CD and sang "our song" to you..."and this love is like nothing I have ever known!" No words could be more true. Our love is special...genuine...everlasting. I apologized for singing badly and laughed. I told you I knew I wasn't a good singer, but I was going to sing to you anyway! Perhaps you found my singing to be the sweetest sound you ever heard! I sang every song, tears streaming down my cheeks...more often, than not. I played your CD, with all the songs you wrote and sang all those songs to you, too. How I love to listen to you play the guitar and sing harmony. I have listened to your CD a million times, and now I realize how grateful I am to have your voice recorded...I fear I will never hear you tell me you love me again.



I stayed with you until 3PM...singing away...all the while telling you about how I will take care of you and love you forever. I was still praying for a miracle. We only had one interruption during the visit. Your dad, mom and your sister, Amy came to visit. I left the room while they stayed with you, which was only about 15 minutes. I was so glad I had taken the day off from the flower shop to spend with you and I didn't want to share you with anyone. The nurses told me it was time to leave at 3PM...



I went to Perkins to get some coffee and a bowl of chicken soup. I arrived back at the hospital at 5PM. No sooner had I pulled into the parking lot...my cell phone rang...it was your brother, Jeff. Jeff told me he needed to speak with me. I didn't even realize he was in New Jersey and when he told me he was waiting for me in the conference room, I knew that I was going to lose you. I bravely went into the conference room and Jeff was kind to me. He told me that your condition was failing, your organs were shutting down and it was time to say goodbye. He told me your family wanted me to go in and be with you and after I said my good-byes they would come and be with you. I did as I was told, but how I longed to be the one with you when you went to the light!



I was so brave, honey...you would be proud of me. I cried and cried as I came to your side. I closed the curtain in the room, so I could truly be alone with you...one last time. I kissed you a million times and told you how much I loved you. I told you how you were the love of my life and what joy you had brought to me. I told you I knew you didn't believe in God, but that I did. I told you to go toward the light. I told you that I would always love you...forever. I told you I wouldn't say goodbye to you...that I knew I would be with you again one day. I kissed you all over your face and forehead and then I kissed your lips, even though you were still on the ventilator. I kissed your lips so many times and gently touched your face, your arm and held your swollen hand. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life, baby, was to walk out that door. I turned to gaze at you one more time and blew you a kiss. I broke down in the nurses arms. They were so very kind. I knew I had to be brave and I knew walking out that ICU unit that you would be in my heart forever.



I finally arrive home and the calls begin to come in. My family knows the news first and Jess arrives to be with me. We talk about everything and we are both so sad. I am tired...mentally exhausted. Your brother calls at 12:30PM to tell me you died at 11:58PM. I thank him for calling. I needed to know that your journey to heaven was not long. So many emotions, baby...so much heartache...so much love and adoration for you. I will find peace in my heart and my memories of you will live on forever. You were the love of my life, Brent. I will cherish my memories of you and us forever and ever. Rest in peace, my darling.

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