Love Gone Wrong
I was casually dating a guy that perpetually stood me up or was late meeting me at a local dance club. There was this guy Mark who was always there and noticed me always alone....so he asked if I wanted to join him and his friends.
I joined the table, a mish-mash of different personalities but everyone was friendly and great. Mark and I started spending more time together. One night we were just talking at his place and I don't know what came over me but I kissed him....and he kissed me back. We started becoming more serious and soon the years passed with all the ups and downs of a relationship.
About years later I had a few things happen in my life, a battle with cancer, my mother died...and I felt like I loss a piece of myself...never quite the same person. I felt that I just couldn't catch a break in life. I couldn't see what was in front of me. I became this angry person finding excuses to be angry and unhappy and talking it out on Mark.
There's only so much one person can take and Mark had reached the end of his rope and called our relationship quits and walked out of my life. We would cross paths briefly after that without saying a word to each other.
I tried dating others but it never worked out. Then we ran into each a year later and started talking--really talking. I admitted that I still loved him and how wrong I treated him. He said that he loved me still but wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me and that right now he wants to be just friends.
I've tried the last two months to be just friends and all it's doing is breaking my heart. I enjoy his company, laughing at the most ridiculous things but I crave for his affection, for him to hold my hand, kiss my lips....he said that maybe in time....but how long do I wait? How fair is it to me? What if in the end he doesn't want me?
I realize you can't be just friends with the one you truly love...sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do when you want something so bad.
Where do I go from here?