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      One end of the spectrum the other


The beginning of this story called life started out fairly normal for me. My father was still in med school and because of a few financial difficulties I had the blessing of knowing first hand what poverty was for most of my life. But fate can throw a mean curve. I was a strong willed defiant child. I often found myself toe to toe with my father. I never felt love from my parents. I never said it to them. When you are a small child its natural to say I love you. But over time that tendency was literally beaten out of me.

Throughout my life the last place I would go for refuge or love was home. I dreaded the end of every school day and the bus ride home was never long enough. Every good thing about life faded from my view and I stepped into a life of servier hate. Hate for myself hate for this world that had never shown me anything but anger fear and sadness. I found that the best defense was to sever all caring for everything. I couldn't allow myself to care about things or people because in the end they would be gone and I couldn't handle anymore pain than what I was already living with.

The climax came near the end of high school, my father and I got into a fist fight and for once I won. But when I looked into his eyes I only saw myself, that same intense sadness that had consumed me for so long. I left home and didn't return for several months and I never would have if my mother hadn't been so persistent.

At this pivotal climax in my life when I was finally ready to give up, I was convinced that nothing in this life was good nothing lasted and no one cared, I fell upon someone who gave me something that I could not give myself. I didn't believe in love "its just a fairy tale and im not going to read it" but for whatever reason I was captivated by this person. Just a simple person at first glance but there was something so much deeper and more personal about her.

I don't think that she could ever possibly understand what she has done for me. To her love and relationships all seemed so natural and important. To me only she is important. No one has ever shown me so much love, and I do not have the words to describe what she means to me. But the life I was living was not right. I never want to go back, I could never go back. For the rest of my life I only want to make hers worth every moment. Because the few that I have spent with her have made every one of mine worth their weight in gold.


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