They say even after a lifetime together some never get the chance to experience even a speck of love's magic and the happiness it could bring. But I am lucky to say that in few short months I have felt the magic of love and the happiness it could bring which probably could even last a lifetime. I lived a thousand dreams in a few short months and I will be forever gladden to say that I have known what love truly is
He was a guy in my high school but he was a senior student. We never met but of course I have heard a lot about him from friends and family members. He was one day older than my cousin and they both know each other very well.
Anyhow though I have heard of him before I never took much interest of him. So magically enough I forgot about it all.
It was holidays after our final year exam and by then he was in his final year at Senior high school. Anyhow by coincidence or not I don't know but somehow his ID ended up in my contact list and soon we were chatting together. At first I never took much notice of him since I always liked to keep a distance from everyone I meet.
Anyhow few days after I got to know him through chatting and all I saw his picture for the first time from my sister. It was a handsome face with friendly eyes and an angel like smile. Friendly, funny and kind were the words which came to my mind when I saw his picture. Crazy as it might sound that first look at his picture had a thought in my mind. I remember thinking to myself that why I feel I could have a lot in common with him.....
June 2007 it was when I got his ID by a sweet coincidence and we have been chatting ever since then. Just as friends and it was great fun. I got to know from him that he had known me for a long time and had even seen me a few times. Soon I started to value our friendship as i got to know him better. By the beginning of 2008 I had a friend I felt like I have known for a lifetime. And i looked forward to the chats we had and we started getting on every night just to talk with each other. By then he was in a job and it was a little difficult but still he managed. What I liked most about him was he was honest and never hides what he actually is....Like all of his friends and even my cousins said he always admitted that he was a play boy and I knew that. From him I got to find myself after a long time. I trusted him with my dearest secrets and regrets and he helped me see things through in a new light. Like I had thought we had a lot in common. Though, from a thousand miles his words always send a chill through me as if I were hearing his voice.
Anyhow on December 27 of 2008 we started a relationship, but I've felt we were together even long before that. I trusted him more than anyone and I know I always will Cox among the thousand faces he have he is worth trusting and kind, honest and he always keep his word. It was the most wonderful days of my life and I know I will never regret even a moment I got to spend with him....we talked over the phone almost every night since we started our relationship. Everything was moving smoothly and I know I will treasure him more than anything else in my life.
Days moved on like a prayer and I kept cherishing every moment and thanking God for sending me such a guardian angel. He truly is one in my eyes no matter what. He always told me never to ask anyone to do favors for me if I am capable of helping myself…..he told me not to shout out at parents….not that I ever do….for him family and parents meant a lot. He never once say a word if he get shouted at by his parents over anything…….always keep quiet and let them shout at him……even his brother told me he never utter a word when he is been scolded by his parents.
By the end of March this year (2009) something changed little by little between us. And by the beginning of the month April we parted for reasons I feel I never will know. He didn't explain me anything just said it was better it is better if we part and go on our separate ways. Just to hear him say that made me feel like I've lost a part of myself. There was this unfamiliar pain somewhere inside me. It was like there was a rock kept on my heart and strangely it felt hollow. Tears stuck my eyes just to hear him say that. I didn't know what to think or do…and a voice in my head kept screaming all I want is you and no one else……I kept saying, please don't go silently, but he never heard me. Tears ran down my eyes like a river. I never believed that just the thought of been without him could bring me that much pain that I would cry my eyes out.
When we parted he told me he now wish that we never met, and when I told him that I pray he could feel the pain he inflicted on others he told me that there is nothing more to inflict on him. And somehow I know he didn't want this to happen either. But whatever the reason was I guess I could never know it. All I can do is wonder aloud in my mind why I lost him? And yet I know there never will be any replies and I could never know the reason no matter what. And that was what he wanted. From that night on I lost a part of my soul I guess. I felt numb inside and it was like there was a big hole in the middle of my heart. From that day on I was never the same person I once was and I know that I never will be me again. I've lost myself into the mist of my past and despite this emptiness I now endure I don't regret anything at all. But still my soul is torn apart and my heart is suffering a pain it can barely endure anymore.
If ever it happens that he shall read this then I want to tell him that “cuppycake, I love you still even when you're reading this and I will love you and only you always and forever. Till I can be in your arms again I will be missing you my guardian Angel……”