Age Will Never Matter
I am young. Some say that I am much too young to love and much too young to know what I want with my life. What others say used to control my life. But now that I have her, I don't care what anyone else says.
I am 15 and she is 18.
Some people call it illegal [although we are waiting for sex]
Some people say it is wrong because we are gay [although we have done nothing to cause anyone harm]
Some people say that our love won't last [although I can feel that this flame within me is burning for her and will never go out]
Some people say I fell in love too fast [although I wish that I could have fallen in love with her much sooner]
Some people say that a long distance relationship won't last [although we have been together for almost three months and there hasn't been a single second when I doubt that we are meant to be]
So now... here is the true story of how my life changed forever.
I met her on Xbox live. We were just two nerds with a thing for video games ha ha. At that point in my life, I knew that I was gay but I refused to accept it. I talked to her for a while and when she told me that she is a lesbian I freaked out. I remember deleting the message she sent me with her number and I remember pulling away from her instantly. Then one day my friend [a guy that is like my brother. Actually, I was in love with him at one point in my life but he didn't have the same feelings towards me] told me to give her a chance as a friend because her sexuallity doesn't matter because she is an awesome person. So I sent her a message on Xbox just saying Hi. That was last summer. From there, we had a strictly Xbox friendship. We talked and played video games together every so often. Then one day [1.23.09] she told me that she wanted to get to know me. By that time, I had developed a huge crush on her. So I gave her my number and we proceeded to text all day. She was really cool and just wanted to get to know me. The next night [1.24.09] was an amazing night. We talked on the phone and my voice was shaking because I was so nervous. She had told me that she liked me enough to go on a date with me and also enough to want to be my girlfriend. I am very insecure about my weight and looks and I knew that she is an amazingly good looking woman but she assured me that regardless of looks, she really liked me. So we talked for a little while that night. She told me to guess a seven word question that she wanted to ask me.
DO YOU WANT TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND?
I said yes. I was so happy. I could feel the joy pulsing through my veins. Then I had to guess a three letter phrase.
I LOVE YOU.
At that point, I already knew that I loved her. I already felt her within my heart. So I told her that I loved her too. And now, I can't stop telling her that I love her.
She has taken so much pain and erased it. She has taken so much hurt and hate that I once carried and erased it. We have only been together in person once [3.31.09] and it was difficult to see her because i am not openly gay. But when we were together [even for just an hour] it was AMAZING. I got my first kiss that morning. Nothing crazy or lengthy or wild. Just a gentle kiss. My heart stopped then began beating faster then ever withing my chest. That kiss jolted into every part of my entire body. It was magical. It was my first kiss and it was with the most amazing person on this entire planet.
I don't want to wait to see her again. She has heart disease right now and is currently in the hospital. Because our love is a secret, there is no way for me to go see my babe. There is no way for me to hold her hand, feel her body next to mine, and feel her heart beating. There is no way for me to place my hand against her chest and feel her heart and whisper in her ear, "I have have hope that this heart shall keep beating. I have hope that this heart will continue beating next to mine for many years to come."
This is a love story because she is still alive, we are still in love, and she is still changing my life for he better, making me grow each day. But there are tears in my eyes as I type this.
Tears of joy because of the amazing emotions that she makes me feel.
But also tears of pain because I don't know what I can do to help my girl. I don't know what I can say to make things better. Al that I can think to say is
"I LOVE YOU" and she tells me it helps. But she also tells me that it hurts because she is afraid that there won't be a tomorrow. She also says it hurts when I worry about her because she feels like a freak. But I don't understand that because in my eyes she is still amazing no matter how much time she spends in the hospital or no matter how many times she fears not waking up the next morning.
She is by far the strongest person I have ever met. She is amazing. There aren't enough words to describe my love for her.
I hope that everyone who reads this will keep her in your thoughts and prayers. I really need her in my life because she has taken me, a suicidal kid, and made me into a truly happy and in love young woman.
Thanks for reading.
I am so in love!!!