I still dont know if it's over...
So i had to continue the story i started a year ago...i forgot the title..but it was something about the disco..Maybe that was like, damn him, and stuff.
So months after i wrote that painful story...Feb 2009 i think, here i am. Writing again about that same old guy. The guy I learned to love so much that I cant even tell him how much it is. I was so drowned by my emotions, and you know, until now, its still hurts. Every bit of it does.
He seemed recovered from everything. A week after the imaginary separation (since there's no "us"), he had pictures uploaded on his friendster with the girl i used to be jealous of. And they looked nice together though. But he looked happier with me. But that didn't matter anymore. It was over.
I have my own baby. His name is Michael, and i think he loves me very much. Though i pretend that i love him so much when we were together, it never felt the same as before. i JUST HOPE I LEARN TO LOVE HIM SOON. I was trying to live a new life. Away from my past. Away from that guy i kept on talking about. I dont hate him, but im afraid to be with him. Afraid that if i get attached, i might not get away. Meeting him was unexpected and loving him was even more. Now, who knows I'd be falling to the trap again? I want to love my baby. I do, but im in doubt.
Michael is a sweet guy. We've been together for almost 3 months and i think, maybe, he's ok. But we live far from each other and i know too little about him. But now that im going to college in the same island with him, i might fall in love faster. But that would be months away and feelings can change at last minutes. Doubt heightened when communication was rare. I try to enjoy myself mingling with my friends, but I cant help but remember. I try to keep myself busy, but i dont know. How i wish love could have been easier.
Then that old guy came back to my life like a month ago. Actually, maybe once or twice a week, he texts me early after the separation, but a month ago, it became even more frequent. Now, he texts me like nothing happened. Like nothing at all. How i wish he cared about how i would feel. I know he knows he's affecting me with all this, but how dare him try to hurt me. Now its like he's trying to get back in my life. Afraid of hurt, i dont want him too even though i love and adore him just the way i did before despite all the hurt.
He was part of my past and i have my present and hopefully my future. I will love him, my baby Michael, but i hope it happens soon. Before the love of my past steals again the broken heart he has made.
I love you baby, but i cant help but get hurt by him.