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      When it hurts soo bad

     


i gave this man 10 years of my life.  since i was 19, now about to be 30.  he was my first and last..in 10 years the only man i loved and would do anything for cheated on me 4 times.  when we layed in bed and talked at night and i told my deepest secrets and feelings to him, he'd throw them back in my face during an argument.  He'd use our child to hurt me.  Our son is 7 and he says he doesn't want to see him again until he is 10 to make us feel like his other 3 kids and their baby momma's.  saying that because non of the others know their dad, and mine does.  he has been there since day one, but i am starting to realize it was me that was there.  chasing him everywhere.  It hurts so bad because i gave him so much of me and all i wanted was for him to love me.  and for 10 years he did nothing but love what i do for him.  god.. it hurts so bad.  what is wrong with me?? is my ass not big enough?? i cook, clean, work, and i am a good mother.  and i held him down for all of my adult life, and he sucked it all out of me.  but it's my fault because i let him.  my son and i will be okay.  and we'll take it one day at a time.  but i promise myself, there will never be another...not that i love like that.  i won't let it happen.  ya'll please be careful.  i wish someone would have told me.  love, hurts..

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