Love Hurts.... (same author from True Love: Girl + Girl)
What can I say?
The internet is the worst place to find love.
It was March 5, 2008. I was bored at home, as usual and i decided to go into a chatroom. As soon as i logged on, i got about 4 private chats from different guys that said i was really cute and asked if i was single. I told all of them to leave me alone, but they kept insisting on getting information out of me. I was 13 at the time, but i wasnt stupid at all. In fact, doctors have told me that i am very mature and intelligent for my age. HEHE. (just needed to get that out there.)
So anyways, there was a new guy that had sent me a private chat. No picture, no info, no nothing. He started off with a compliment. Unlike the other guys, he commented on my eyes. He said they had an exotic shape, and beautiful color. He was the only person who had ever told me that besides my own mother. \
It was interesting to see that he would notice something like that, besides saying something about my breasts, or my lips. Or how "sexy" i was.
I thanked him and it took him a while for him to reply. I sat there wondering if he was going to reply or not. He did. He asked for my name. I told him Diana.
and he told me his name was Brenny.
I smiled when he added that he knew his name was weird. But i didnt think so. I thought it was a very nice and unique name.
So our conversation went on like that for hours, we were just starting to get to know eachother, he was a couple of months older than me.
Towards the end of our conversation, he asked me if i wanted to be his girlfriend. I felt happy, but scared at the same time. I didnt know they guy, but it felt nice that someone wanted me in that sort of way. I thought about it for a moment, and then replied with a simple YES.
He told me how happy he was that i had accepted to be his girlfriend.
We said our goodnights and i went to bed.
The next day, i was excited to get online to see if he was too. Sure enough he was there waiting for me to sign on.
He told me he couldnt stop thinking about me all night and that he really wanted to talk to me. Of course, that would make anyone feel good. We had our conversation again that lasted all day and he asked for my number. I was scared to give it to him, because even though i chatted with him, i still didnt know they guy.
I nervously gave him my cell phone number.
He told me that he would call me later on that night.
When i signed off, i went to bed and all of a sudden my phone started to vibrate, i checked the caller ID but i didnt recognize the number.
I anwsered the phone, and from the other line, i heard a deep voice. I said Hello again in a scared voice.
The stranger anwsered my hello and softly chuckled.
It was Brenny. At first, it all seemed very awkward but then the conversation started flowing. We laughed and flirted. Everything was perfect.
Finally he asked me where i lived. I told him i lived in california. He paused. I said Hello again and he said: Ohh... I didnt know you lived so far away...I really wanted to see you.
I felt my voice crack as i asked him where he lived. He told me he lives in New York.
After that, we hung up and i went to sleep
The next day i had another phone call. It was him again.
I happily answered and he seemed pretty happy too. We talked for hours and by night time, He told me he loved me. I felt my heart jump when he told me those words. \
I softly said: I love you too.
And he laughed.
This went on for about a month.
Later on, i added him on myspace.
I finally got to see what he looked like. I was shocked.
He looked nothing like what i expected him to be. But that didnt really bother me. I was in love.
We would talk on myspace the phone and on the chatroom.
The more we would talk, the more i fell in love with this guy.
Later on in our relationship, he developed this very ugly characteristic that i absolutely hated. He was always checking up on me. He would call just to know what i was doing and who i was with. He would ask for my password for every account that i hade made on the internet. He would read my messages, and sometimes when he thought i had a nother relationship going on with another guy, he would pretend to be me and talk to the guy and cuss him out and tell the guy that i never wanted to talk to him again. This would get me angry, but i never said anything about it because i knew he was doing it because he didnt want to risk losing me.
One day, i finally cracked. He crossed the line.
I had a best friend at the time named Kenneth, and though he was my ex, Brenny thought that i was with Kenneth behind his back. So he goes on myspace, sends Kenneth a hate email and blocks him from my page.
He threatened to break up with me if i ever talked to Kenneth again. I felt so pressured. I didnt want to lose my bestfriend, but i didnt want to lose my boyfriend either.
That day, wen ended up having a huge argument.
I didnt answer his phone calls for the rest of the week, even though he kept apologizing and telling me he was wrong for doing that.
I ended up forgiving him later and we made up.
Around October, he was very "busy".
He rarely called.
He didnt reply to my messages.
We lost total contact what so ever for a month.
I felt so heartbroken.
I didnt want to eat, i didnt want to sleep.
I spent most of my nights crying and waiting by the phone hoping me would call. But everynight was the same.
I even thought about committing suicide over this guy.
We had planned to live our lives together.
He told me he wanted to be with me, and that i was the only one for him. He had sweet talked me for 8 months.
But month 9 in our relationship, nothing.
I was depressed most of the time.
Everyone noticed it.
During my state of depression, I met my new girlfriend.
She made me feel loved again. She started to fill in the huge chunk my heart was missing.
November 28, 2008
I get a phone call from Brenny.
He starts off with his usual
I stood there, quiet on the other line.
I finally answered him.
There was a 10 second silence on both ends of the phone.
I heard another voice from the other line.
It was his friend. I guess they were just hanging.
He asked Brenny who he was talking to
He said Diana.
and they all laughed.
They couldnt believe he was still with me even though we live on opposite sides of the country.
Brenny asked me what i was doing.
I told him nothing.
I started to cry.
He was laughing with his friends and couldnt hear me.
I hung up the phone.
He called back a few minutes later.
He asked why i hung up
He heard my voice and automatically knew i was crying.
He asked me what was wring and i told him.
I told him how much it hurt that he had forgotten all about me for a whole month.
Of course, like all stupid boys or men, he tried an excuse.
"I was busy" was all he could say.
I laughed sarcastically
"Yeah, because all guys especially teenage boys are too busy to take atleast 1 minute to call their girlfriend to ask how shes doing and to remind her he loves her right?"
he was silent.
"Yeah Brenny...were you that busy?"
again, he didnt answer.
But all of a sudden, i felt this rage inside of me. It felt like hate.
I hated him. Hated him for making me suffer and cry for him.
Hated him for making me love him the way i did. Hated him for lying to me.
I told him about Nancy...
I told him how she made me happy, and how she fixed up the mess he made with my heart.
He was speechless.
Finally, I told him i was over him, that i no longer loved him, and broke up with him.
I heard him hesitate on the other line.
Heavy Breathing. Crying.
He was crying.
But, i didnt care.
He deserved it.
I knew he was feeling hurt.
But i had to be honest.
He started begging me to take himm back.
He cried and pleaded for me to take him back.
He knew he had lost me then and there, so he cried.
And i let him.
Finally, after he could take all of this in, he asked me one more time.
"Please take me back Diana...I love you so much! I cant live without you. Please.....I know i hurt you and i know i F*cked up big time, but please--"
and i cut him off...
I told him he cant force someone to love him.
and i told him i wont ever get back with him.
To top it off, I told him that i had just recently started my life as a teenage lesbian.
It left him in awe...