Nice Guys Finish Last
I was married for 2.5 years, to someone I was with for 3 years before that. I was a caring husband and she was a a good wife, until she cheated on me. Unfortunately I was never able to get past the cheating. I thought I did at the time, but she became critical of me for no reason, started blaming me for stuff, and basically framing me as a bad guy in order to justify her shitty behavior. All this made me bring up her cheating, and as a result she said she was working to be a better wife but she was continuing her ways. By the fifth time she cheated on me I kicked her out, it's been a very slow process of healing for me. The only thing I can say from my experience is that no matter what a couple might say or do after a cheating incident, the relationship is never the same.
I think about that age-old question, "if you were able to cheat on your spouse and they would never know about it, would you do it?"...Truth is to me this question is a no-brainer. Some people think that because the other person wouldn't know about it means it would be ok. But in reality, YOU know about it, and as much as you might not think it, if ever you cheat on your spouse, you've permanently changed the relationship whether it's out in the open or not. You might think you can hide something from your significant other, but you can't hide stuff from yourself. And ultimately that knowledge will make you act differently, which will make your spouse act differently, which will eventually lead to a breakdown in communication and loss of trust. Whatever you had will be gone the second you betray your love, even if they never find out.