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      I thought we're friends...


I don't know how things turned out like this but here it goes...


When I was a first year college student, my mother requested me to transfer schools to her hometown which was a 3-hour drive from our home. It was a city to be exact. When I first got there, it kind of frustrating for me to be there because I'm not used to that kind of living they have (I sort of came from a province so I wouldn't know the common things that they do is normal).


Then, there's school. Of course, during my first day at school I was really nervous. I was like a stranger to that school. I didn't know anybody and to add more nervousness, I feel like I'm not going to fit in because I know I'm the type of person who doesn't even know how to smile and socialize with other people properly. For what I've felt, it really sucked. But when I was about to go to one of my classes, there's this one girl whom I saw. At first, I saw her flip flops because I liked the design and then our eyes met. It was so sudden and all I did was smile at her and then...she smiled back! (her name is Dharin). I was surprised that she seemed really friendly for the way that I acted and she spoke and said "are you in this class too?". I said yes and then that's the first time that we became friends.


After a few months of knowing her, we really became close then something bad happened, my long-time boyfriend and I broke up because of our own distance and differences. I really felt like an idiot for thinking that we'd be together for almost like-forever. But, I guess it was just too good to be true. When that happened, I was really frustrated, devastated, depressed, stressed, whatever you can call it. At that time I really thought that it's over for me. "My life is over". But, of all the times when I was feeling down, my friends were all there for me. She was always there for me, ready to give me advice and cheer me up with her jokes. I was glad and relieved that even though my love life turned out that way, at least, I have them to rely on. 


I also had this "addiction" for computer games when I saw one of my classmates (his name is Jan Lloyd) playing one at an Internet cafe where we hang out if we don't have classes yet. Playing computer games seemed really an interesting thing to do for me. Then, there's the rumor.


A rumor started swirling around our department that one of my friends(his name is Chariston) liked me, not as a friend but as "like-like". I didn't know what to do because the truth is I don't have feelings for him, the one I really like at that time was his friend (his name is Eduard). Eduard and I became BF-GF when he courted me, then months passed and I learned things that I didn't know about him--awful things. Knowing that our relationship won't work out between us, I broke up with him.


After summer vacation, I started to notice one of my classmates, Jan Lloyd. At first, I said to myself "no, no, no". I can't like him, he's Eduard and Chariston's friend and I don't want to ruin their friendship just because of my silly "love-struck" feelings. He's known for being quiet all the time and always likes to keep things to himself, but he's quite a joker. I really like guys with a sense of humor. Of course, knowing the fact that he doesn't seem to like girls, I know my feelings for him will be just one-big-misery, but I felt like I couldn't just keep away from him. I started feeling awkward around him and ended up texting him. I feel like I really couldn't stop liking him  so I sort of confessed my feelings to him. Suddenly, I started to notice we're becoming closer and closer each time, everyday, 24/7.


Then, something happened...he confessed his feelings to me and I was shocked to know that he also has special feelings for me. I was so happy when we became BF-GF but I guess, "all good things come to an end". I started having a feeling that Dharin was drifting further and further away from me. She started to avoid me in some ways. I really don't know and I have no idea what the heck is going on. The gap between us just keeps getting wider and wider that I don't know how to fix it anymore. We even ended up quarreling and being competitive at each other. Then, Jan Lloyd helped us redeem our friendship. I was really happy that he helped us. But now, I don't know how should I act when I was around her. Even though we're friends again, it seemed like we're aloof. I feel sort of awkward when I'm around her and she never ever opened-up to me again. I don't understand her anymore and to think that our friendship will last is another frustration for me. I really thought we're friends. But, I guess we're not. 


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