Mistakes are made so we can learn from them.
Notice: This was a very HURTFUl time of my life, and i regret everything i did...; but its still hurting. & just to be safe; im not going to be using our real names.
Okay; I was a 13 year old girl. pretty average, had great friends, long brown wavy hair, dark brown eyes, yeah i was normal. i was pretty i guess,sure, i had a few boyfriends already; but i guess i never experienced a real relationship. But in 8th grade; something real finally happened to me. His name was Jeffery. He just moved here this summer from Australia. It was just like love at first sight. For the first few days at school, he never really noticed me, at least that's what i thought. On the second day of school, i got back home & decided to go on msn. When i logged in, i had a new friend request from (not real) firstname.lastname@example.org. I didn`t know who it was so i added him. I opened up a new conversation box with him:
icyl0llip0p: hey thanks for adding, but do i know you?
donkeymaster: yeah, you do know me, im from your class :)
icyl0llip0p: well uh are you new or something ?
donkeymaster: yeah, guess who i am =D
icyl0llip0p: just tell me who you are lah.
donkeymaster: fine im jeffery, i got to go, bye.
*donkeymaster has signed off*
That was pretty awkward. So i just went to do my homework, but for some reason, i just couldn't concentrate. The next day, when i got to school, it was pretty normal at first, i was talking to my friends & i had to go to my locker. When i went down the stairs, I saw Jeffery. When he saw me, he kept on smiling like an idiot, and i couldn`t help but smile back. I just knew that i wanted to be with him. A few weeks passed & we've been getting along pretty well. I couldn't keep all the emotion inside of me so one day, i called him my so-called brother, and i said i love you, and guess what he said ? He said it back to me! I was extremely happy! But we all know, that he only thought of me as a friend. There was this one week where he went to visit his cousin, that was somewhere in china & he couldn`t get in contact with me so i had to suffer without him for a week. After that longg week, i texted him and said
"Hey you back in hong kong yet?"
After a few hours he called me, apologizing that he couldn't contact me sooner. So later on that night, i went online and as usual i talked to him.
icyl0llip0p: hey :) did you have fun?
donkeymaster: i had a lot of fun, but i forgot to take a picture of my cousin for you, sorry :(
icyl0llip0p:nah its okay..oh yeah...Jefferey?
donkeymaster: yeah? what is it ?
icyl0llip0p: its like....promise me you won't freak out okay?
donkeymaster: okay, shoot.
icyl0llip0p: i like you.
*then there was a long pause*
donkeymaster: but i thought i was your brother...
icyl0llip0p: I guess i put you in that position cuhz i didnt want you to be more than a brother to me...
donkeymaster: well you know what ? I like you too :)
donkeymaster: yeah, i do. But...what about Johnathon & Greg?
icyl0llip0p: oh yeah...
[Johnathon and Greg are new to my school too, and they both have had a major crush on me. And by me and Jeffery going out would just ruin their friendship.]
donkeymaster: Its not that i don't like you, its just that, they're my friends & we're buds. I just don't want to hurt them..
icyl0llip0p: yeah...i understand.
donkeymaster: maybe we can work something out next time okay?
icyl0llip0p: yeah i guess :| I'll see you tomorrow.
And by that, i signed off. Sure i was happy that he liked me back, but then i couldn't be with him because of his bestfriends. That was what made me really mad. For the pass few weeks, I have been trying my best to work something out with Greg & Johnathon, and finaaly, the week before our camp week, they finally got over me, and me and Jeffery got together. :)
I was sooo happy, but during the week at camp, Jeffery somehow got really overprotective. He told one of my guy friends to stay away from me, so he did. I got mad at him, but i was still madly in love with him, so i told myself to deal with it. And after our camp week we started going out like a real couple should :) We held hands, we went out with other friends, we were a really happy couple. As weeks passed by, me and Jeffery finally had a weekend to each other, so I went over to his house. We were walked around & we found a bench so we went there and sat down. Jeffery said a lot of sweet things to me that afternoon, & he finally said something to me that was totally unexpected.
Jeffery: Hey Melanie ? Can i kiss you ?
Me: But..uh..i never had my first kiss yet..
Jeffery: Neither have I, but i just love you so much.
He started leaning in but i pulled away.
Me: don't you think this is a little too fast?
Jeffery: C'mon Melanie, just close your eyes.
I closed my eyes, but as soon as i thought he came too close, i pulled away.
It took him about 15 minutes until i settled down & just sat there.
Jeffery: Okay, i wont rush you, we'll just take this slowly.
He started leaning in again but then he only gave me a peck on half of my lips.
Me: Okay, thats enough
Jeffery: no,no,no, babe. C'mon, if thats how it feels for half of your lips, then imagine how it'll feel for the whole thing.
And it happened, he kissed me. It felt magical, & i had butterflies in my stomach. My first kiss, taken away by the most perfect guy i could ever imagine. After I pulled away, i smiled :)
Jeffery: Now that wasn't so hard, was it ?
I gave him a hug & it was finally time for me to get back home.As the weeks passed, it became a month. Things have been sort of happening & i just couldn't tell anyone. He told me to start touching myself so he could get horny. I would do anything for the guy of my dreams so i did. One day, when we were making out on my bed, he told me to take off my shirt. As in love as i was, i obediently did it. He took off my bra & started licking my breast. I started moaning, i listened to him because i thought if i didn't, he'd break off with me. This has happened more than a dozen times. About one week before our 2 month anniversary, he told me that, maybe we should see other people. I was heartbroken. All he told me that he didn't want to intrude with my education. After all i gave him...i shouldn've listened to my instincts. And after that happened, everything changed. I couldnt forget what he did to me, and right at this moment, as im typing this story out, its still hurting.
Girls, i dont want you to make the same mistake i did, because you are going to regret it. Love yourself for who you are, and if a guy breaks your heart, then screw him, you're much better off without it. Throughout this experience, ive had my friends, my family & the female teachers at school support me. Don't every think that you're alone, because your not. If waiting for him was not the solution, then learn to move on.