Having a sick baby can take a tremendous toll on your marriage.
Jason and I had been married for 6 months when I got pregnant. Our daughter was born, and she was healthy little girl. We had the perfect life, and family. When Hannah turned 2, we decided to try again. And I got pregnant.
During my pregnancy, Jason and I were shocked to find out that there would be complications with the babies health, and the birth. My doctor shared with me the "options" of the pregnancy, including termination. But, that was not an option for me. I laid awake at night, praying, and talking to God.
Jason said that he would support whatever decision I made, but warned me that having a baby with problems was a lot of work. He has a cousin that was born with brain damage. he said our lives would be very different, and asked if that was the choice I really wanted to make.
I had decided in my heart though that if God wanted me to have a baby with problems, there was a reason. I was ready to handle it, and I knew I could. I knew there must be a reason I was chosen.
So on August 4th I gave birth to my little boy Garrin. He was beautiful. He was born with down syndrome as expected.
Like Jason had said, and all the doctors had warned, Garrin was hard work. I quit my full time job, and got a part time job. That way I could spend more time with Hannah and Garrin. Garrin required a lot of therapy, and hard work. But I wanted to be the best mother I could. he consumed so much of my time. I became obsessed with the disease, and how to get the most for this precious wondrous boy of mine that I could.
Jason and I were spending less time together, and he was angry at my consumption with Garrin's problems. He was a good father, but he didn't have the same desire to fight like I did.
Jason told me one day in the kitchen that he felt like he and Hanna had taken the back burner. He said he remembered wanting another child to bring more joy to their life, to enjoy, and all Garrin brought was work, and stress. He said that if he could do it all over again, he wouldn't. He said he loved Garrin, but the quality of life had gone away for the whole family. He said he never knew why I worked so hard to fight it, because Garrin's situation could never be fixed. Those were the wrong words. I was shocked. I couldn't believe they were coming out of his mouth. I felt like I was working around the clock to work, be a good wife, take care of our home, our daughter, and our special needs son.
Jason started working long hours at work. Yah, that's right, those kind of long hours....I was driving him away. After two months of crying at night, fighting, finding a letter in his coat pocket, and practically catching him, I told him that he needed to leave.
Jason and I had always been so perfect, I couldn't believe that any of this was happening.
Jason of course realized quickly what a mistake he had made. I filed for divorce after letting it lie for a month. How could I forgive him?
I was driving home from a foundation and charity for down syndrome with the kids. It was late at night, and we were all tired. Hannah dropped her cup, we had stopped at a McDonald's, and I leaned over to pick it up. I wrapped my car around a telephone pole. I remember coming too when the ambulances were already on the scene. I started screaming for my children. What had I done? I had lost my children! What was I thinking, and how could I forgive myself?
But, the kids were okay. I however received many contusions, a concussion, and some internal bleeding. Jason was at my side. We were both so scared. so scared for each other, and the children. He said when he heard Garrin might not be ok, his heart hit the floor. he said he realized he had been very greedy, and selfish, and told me that he loved Garrin very much. He said he missed us all. He held my hand, and I realized just how much I needed him.
A nurse was changing my sheets, and asked me how I felt about such a miracle. I told her I was so amazed that nothing had happened to my kids. And that I was so glad Jason was here for me. like it had happened to pull us back together. She said no, she meant the fact that I didn't loose the baby I was carrying.
I had no idea! The nurse turned red. She didn't know, that I didn't know.
It was truly a miracle. Jason and I were ecstatic about having another child. The next May, we had our last child. We decided three was the perfect number. Kaylin, our daughter was born as healthy as can be. Garrin, Kaylin, Hannah, Jason and I are all living happily ever after.
Kaylin just turned 3, and our lives are perfect. I stay at home with the kids full time, and do some fashion designing in my own time. I have learned how to better manage Garrin's disease, and how to be active and involved, but not consumed with it.
I was so horrified the night of the wreck, and if anything had happened to my children I would've died, but sometimes at night I still lay and talk to God, and thank him for allowing a miracle to bless my life, and make things alright.
Love is an incredible force.
Life too- and we live it everyday.