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      Hard times, but very worth it

     



I was a senior in high school when I had my son Brendan. my boyfriend Keith and I broke up from the pressure. his parents called me a slut, and said I ruined Keith's life. but he got to go away to college anyways. at first he spent lots of time with me and the baby. he said he loved and missed me. he said he cared. but he just couldn't do anything about it, because of his parents. then he went away to school. and he forgot about the both of us. so I really don't trust men - even from the start I didn't.

Keith graduated college, and my silly self waited all along, even though he and I hardly ever talked, and I knew he dated other people. he came to see me 3 weeks after he came home for good, and he said he was engaged to a girl he had been seeing, Molly.

He hugged his son, and kissed him like it would be the last time he would ever lay eyes on the boy. I cried because I had hoped there would be a future for us. time showed I was stupid to wait. we made love, and kissed. I thought I had begun to win him, but he got up, apologized, and said it never should've happened. I hated him. I was devastated. two months later I found out I was pregnant.

I had the baby. when he found out I was keeping it, he was furious. he told me he never wanted to even speak to me again. he said to keep Brendan, 5 at the time out of his life, and our daughter Natalie too. he asked how I could wreck his life. he had married 8 months before as scheduled, and she was 4 months pregnant already.

He said he had a new life, and just wanted me to stop invading and ruining his,. and that it was over. he accused me of having Natalie to tear up his life, and to try to stay a part of his, he said I had crazy ideas that we'd be a family again- and I was wrong. But none of what he said was true. by the time I was 3 months pregnant with Natalie I had already told myself that we would never be again. he said he had loved me all along- but he had found a new life and love, and he didn't need me anymore all these words still hurt very bad, and cut deep as a knife.

Five months later I was going to school, and trying to get my life back. I was making a good living, taking care of my two babies, and trying to have fun in life again.

I grew to despise that Keith could have had it so easy, and he didn't have to make the choice of being a parent. my brother said I didn't either-but as a woman if you make the choice not to be the parent-it's your body- and you have to decide the opposite- then you are the one who "did it" and the one who has to feel guilty,. the dad can say- well it's her body- I couldn't stop her.

But, those thoughts- giving up my kids- never crossed my mind. I wanted Brendan and Natalie more than life, more than I wanted Keith.

Five months later- molly was in a hospital giving birth to a baby that looked nothing like Keith. his suspicion grew. Molly and Keith grew farther and farther apart. their baby Mallie turned 6 months old, and at that point Keith decided he was a fool not to be a part of Brendan and Natalie's life.

Molly got pregnant again- Keith proved his suspicions true with a paternity test. The baby was not his. he left Molly to live alone. he started seeing his kids again- a lot more. then Molly gave birth to the 2nd baby. a baby he was waiting to see if it was his. he said he didn't know what to do if it was. but, Georgia- another baby girl- was in fact not his.

Molly married the man she had the two kids with, and Keith breathed a sigh of relief. their marriage was over.

Two years went by. we had begun talking and working through things. I was seeing someone else though, and Keith flew into a rage. that is when he told me he wanted me back. love has made me a fool, and I was foolish enough to take him back, people thought I was stupid to ever take him back.

Maybe I was- he sure put me through a lot- and it was very trying. but I have never regretted it for a second. I wish we had always stayed together. Keith is so romantic, and caring. he is the best hubby, and father.

we have been married for 7 years now. we have our son Brendan, daughter Natalie, and our 4 year old daughter Kaci, and an 11 month old son.

We couldn't be happier now. and I know I was patient and waited and even gave up many times. but I won, and happiness now is all that matters. I love him, and us, and our kids enough to put all the pain behind me and live in the moment now.

I knew ever since 10th grade when I met Keith that I was made for him- and I was.. Keith I love you.

Jan

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