I cant understand where we went so wrong
After spending so many years by your side, taking you back after you went down that dark path of drugs and jail. This is what you do to me?
Two weeks ago he asked me to marry him, i said yes because this man, was all i have ever wanted. The only person i have ever trusted. The only person who has the ability to make me smile without saying a word.
I spent years with him, and this year was the happiest we had ever been, he started a new job, and we were on the road to making all our dreams come true.
Then on tuesday he didn't call me when he said he would, after work at 10pm. At 12 i called his sister who is my good friend. She said he wasn't home. 10 minutes later she called and said he came home with a girl from his work and then they left. He turned his phone off for two days. On the wednesday i got his sister to talk to him and ask what was going on and why he hadn't told me about this etc. he said " She should know after last night , i have been trying to tell her for a while " I guess his definition of a " while " is different to mine. I have not spoken to him since, it was so much easier last year when we broke up because of him changing completely from drugs, because i had hope, and everything in my body told me that we would be together again. I know that one day everything will go wrong in his life and he will come back begging for forgiveness, but this time i will not take him back.
Well i prayer to god i will be strong enough to walk away.
I know i have it in me.
Its almost like grieving for the dead, because there was no goodbye.
No reason for leaving me this empty. Breaking all the promises.
I thought each day was spose to get a little easier, but for me it gets harder.
Its just more time to think about what went wrong. Even if i try my hardest to forget about everything, its still there. A huge part of me is lost forever.
I wish i could go back to the day i met him and walk away, because i'd know he would be the biggest mistake of my life, No matter how much my body tingled when i hugged him. Maybe it was telling me to walk away, not come back and hug him 2 more times.
maybe its all been bad judgement on my part.