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      If Only

     


who would have known

that the annoying girl's brother

would be the one

i have these feelings for

i cant explain them

and there was something about you

even though

everyone in my grade thinks your a loser

since the first day i saw you

i dont know if you noticed

but i always seemed to look at you

and then at that dance

in november

i stood there

staring at you

you were grinding some pretty popular girl

however  it was like you were the only one

in that room

and the world stopped

and it was just you

only one

and then you sat next to me

and it all begun

december 7 2007

you annoyed me

a lot

and i didnt really think anything of it

until december 21 2007

the day before christmas break

when you kept moving really close to me

and saying things like 'your a hottie with a body'

i wasnt dumb

i knew you were kidding

but you

next to me

felt right

and all of a sudden

i realized

i had totally

and completely

fallen for you

i didnt know how to act

so i just acted like i hated you

i was stupid

i took your talking to me

for granted

and then you stopped

and i was crushed

i didnt show it though

because i knew you'd know you'd won

you'd made the ugly nerd

that never said a word

fall for you

like you

need you

but you never realized it

because i didnt let it show

maybe people told you

i dont know

but it was so awkward around you then

there were those special days

that something would happen

you'd sit with me

or say something to me

and then when you didnt

i though i hated you

but i couldnt

and i cant

ive heard your mean

but i dont care

youve dated how many girls?!

but i dont care

whatever makes you happy

and then i talked to you

on the computer

on a fake screen name

and then one day i thought

i have to tell him

now

what if he were to die

then what

i had this huge urge to tell you

so i did

and all i got was

its ok

what

the

heck

is

that

supposed

to

mean

!?

i mean

i know it means you,

you dont like me

but come on

thats it

so i said

bye

and that was the end of it

and then i had a dream

well ive had many about you

but this one

foreshadowed

it came true

partly

i dreamed i was in a theater

and someone said you were there

and i was sitting

in my seat

looking for you

but i couldnt find you at all

but i knew

you were there

and then

i went to the play at bay port

with maggie

and i looked

for you

when we were sitting in the seats

and i couldnt find you

and then

i was standing

eating a brownie

oh yes

a brownie

and then i backed up

and i was about to say

something to maggie

and there

you were

and you stared at me

without an expression on your face

i dont know how long

i stood there looking at you

and then i looked away

i dont know if you were

still looking at me

or not

and i told maggie

it was you

and she wanted to see you

so we went and threw our napkins out

and i was too afraid to look at you again

because you knew

that i liked you

and i walked by

saying over and over again

awkward, awkward, awkward

and i felt sick

and happy

and amazing

and floaty

and mad

and sad

and giddy

and i never even say giddy

but i felt it

oh man did i feel it

i havent seen you since

it seems like your so far away

but in reality

your like

45 seconds away from me

if i just walked to your house

but that would be weird

and youd think im a stalker

but i did ride your bus

but still

i wouldnt do that strange of a thing

well

you'll never feel the same way i do about you

so i should move on

right?

well no matter how many times i say to myself

your not pretty enough

or cool enough

or good enough

for him

i still continue to like you

and whenever i am about to give up hope

something happens

that reminds me of you

and its like an unexpected rip of my heart

because i just want you to hold me

so bad

and kiss you

and be with you forever

because you just seem right

for me

and

we

just seem right

i guess if you think about it

i hardly know you

but i believe

we are

meant

to be

forever and ever chris

even though

you never

will feel the same way

about me

i'll always love you.



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