My wife's name is Edie and we met 6 years ago at a concert. she was drunk, and I should've known then.
We have two amazing daughters together, Maci 5, and Karaline four, and twin sons, Jared, and Jake that are 2. we have amazing, amazing children that I am very thankful for.
Edie was an amazing woman once. She was smart, pretty, successful. She was working, and going to school, and had accomplished many things in life. We were both very young when we met. She was 21, and I was 23. But we are older now. We are much different. Things were ok at 21, when it was still ok to party. But Edie still only wants that. She never grew up...in fact...she only got worse.
She is not a good mother to the kids. She often forgets about them. I have to be a mother and father for the kids. I have to work to take care of the kids. But, I have to take care of my biggest child Edie.
I know she has been unfaithful. She goes into drunken binges, and will stay gone for days. I worry, but what can I do when I have no idea where she is , or with who. I don't know why this is happening to her.
She used to love me so much, and the kids too.
But, now...it's like nothing. I have debated a long time whether I should do it, and now I know I have to...I have to leave Edie, and of course the kids will come with me.
Most of me is not even sad because it has been coming so long. I am over her. there hasn't been warmth in so long.
Edie started using drugs, quit her job, made bad ties with her family, abused me emotionally, the kids, practically abandoned with no mom, she trashes every nice thing I buy for her. she has wrecked 3 cars, she never comes home to the nice home I have built for us.
So, I have to pack her things and change the locks. She cannot even be a part of my babies life until she changes. She came home with new tattoos and piercings. She comes homes high, wasted, bleeding, crying, raped, thinking she is pregnant with someone else's baby,, I don't see any longer why I should allow her to stay as a part of my life when she can't be a mother, or a wife.
I don't want to give up on her. I love her. she has been like this since before the twins were born. 3 1/2 years I have done this. I worried at a point whether or not the twins were going to have birth defects because of her drug and alcohol abuse. Luckily they were ok. she had contained herself. but she still wasn't herself. its like someone took her over. she resented me when she was pregnant with the twins.
I would have never have forgiven her had she hurt our babies. I have tried it all with her, more space, less space, counselling, rehab, detox, but she just gets worse, and hates me more. I am so scared to turn her away. where will she go? but where is she most nights? maybe if she sees she could loose me and the kids she will straighten up? what else can I do?
I don't want to subject my kids to this. it's totally wrong, but Edie, I still love you very very very much. and I always will.. I am hoping you will get better.
I remember when the girls were just in diapers. we went to the park, we had fun. she was a great mom. she loved the girls. Even before the kids we had so much fun together, and were so in love. if she can't get better there will be someone else for me. someday. though it's hard for me to even imagine that now, there will never be another mother for our kids. Edie breaks the girls hearts especially. they see it. they don't understand, but they see their mommy hurting herself, and them.
I can't do it anymore. I can't do it to the kids.
I love you Edie forever, but I have to say goodbye. the kids and I are going to visit their grandma in the Caymans. I didn't even tell you. when I take you away from all this like I have tried you get worse. it doesn't help, and you ruin the kids time. I can't have you do it anymore. I love them too much. why should they have to go through it. you're stuff will be outside, and I want you out of our lies for now. until you can see.
I know you will never read this, but it's just that I feel so lost. I am so hurt, and sad. we will be gone for almost two weeks.
When we return we will start a new life without you. I am filing for divorce. Edie, after so long, it's over.
-Matthew Jackson Brant