Am I to be Blamed ?
I am about to tell you my love story. Please read and tell me if I should carry this conscience everyday of my life.
Just after I graduated from college , I worked in one of the Restaurants of Cebu where I met this guy who is now my husband. Let's name him Jun. He is very responsible. When I first met him in the store, he was not a my type for he seemed to me as very talkative as a guy but to others, he was very funny and humorous. He was small and I don't think he can be my lover for I thought he can't protect me from someone or something harmful. But later, I began to find fun in him. I began to smile when he's there. He was really funny and sweet.
One time, his girlfriend came to fetch him outside the store and I just said ,
Ay ! He has a girlfriend .
Everyone in the store knew about their relationship for they were always together. I know later that they're already together for more than three years.
I started to work in the restaurant in the month of June 2005 with one close girl friend and two men friends. We're batch mates. Von and Marie later developed love for each other. The four of us always went out together to drink red horse beer ( one large case ) after our shifts.
I don't have a boyfriend that time after my serious relationship with a far relative, C.M.D. We separated after a year relationship. It was a tragic experience for me for he was my first. I had boyfriends after him but those were not serious and eventually ended up in just a short period of time.
August of that same year, Jun began to go with us for he's Von's friend. We first went to Marie's boarding house and there we ate and then drink 'till morning. By then, I heard rumors that he got crush on me. I was just observing and later I developed my love for him and feel happy ever time I see him. We texted often and he even courted me and I didn't accept his proposal at first for I knew that he had a girlfriend. August 10, I said yes for he told me that they broke up because they fall out of love and have no time for each other.
We did have happy time together. We kissed to death for the first time and he said he won't ever forget our first severe kiss that made him so in love with me. We went out always until I gave my all to him at the month of September. The love we feel for each other has grown stronger and stronger each day.
One day I just knew from a board mate of Jun that they are still together. Mark was fetched at his boarding house by a co-worker of his girlfriend and let him know that his girlfriend met a motorcycle accident.
I felt sad and cried to know the fact. But , even if I knew that I still accepted the situation and admit to myself that I can't be his legal girlfriend for I just came right after his girlfriend. I pretended not hurt of the situation and Jun thought everything was just a game for me but inside it did really hurts. I felt something was squeezing my hurt.
Month of October, his girlfriend discovered our secret relationship when she saw the text messages of June for me. Jun brought my phone when when he
went to his girlfriend. So, they fought and the girl was mad at me. After a week, receive a heart breaking text messages from June saying... Let's just forget about everything, pretend that nothing happened between the two of us and let's not put the blame anymore to either of us. Let's just think everything was a mistake and nightmare which shouldn't be remembered.
I felt I was carrying the whole weight of the wold that time. I was not able to sleep the whole night thinking. I sent a single message to him pretending not hurt of what he was thinking. " It's fine with me. You're not supposed to tell this by text message . You should have told me yesterday after having a great time together. " but I got no reply that time .
The next day , we met in the store and I pretended to feel not in pain. He asked me to go with him to buy something I did. He asked me if I'm OK . So , I told him --- "Of course I am."
My health was affected that time. I was absent for days . I got sick and I was diagnosed for Urinary tract infection for we had sex for the first time days ago , that was my first with him. That was painful because I had sex three years ago still with my ex. I promised to my self that I should have my next sex with the person whom I'll marry.
We had on and off relationship because of her girlfriend 'till one day came when he had to choose between me and her girlfriend. He chose me but I know they still exchanged messages with each other for sometime before. He got a promise to me that when I get pregnant everything will change. It did . I got pregnant, we knew that I was pregnant by June of 2008. We had our civil wedding by on September 11 of that same year.
It sometimes came up to my mind that Jun marry me just because I got pregnant. My close friends even question me , " Does he really love you and will he have to marry you if you were not pregnant?
I open up this to him he told to feel secure of his love for me. He is no longer in love with his ex. It's what he's showing right now. He is very responsible father and faithful husband. We're now both happily working for our 1 year old kid. He will be turning two by Jan. 2009. We planned to have our church wedding next year , by December .
According to Jun's cousin, the ex girlfriend of my husband already recovered from the pain she experienced after breaking up with my husband. I want to be peaceful ,what should I do? I can't deny the fact that in one way or another I maybe part or major cause why they broke up ...or maybe I just came right on time when one of them fall out of love then? What do you think ? Please tell me ....