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      And all that jazz

     


its freshman year for me. its junior year for him. he came up to me on my first day of school with his guitar in his hand and my boyfriend at the time at my side. we were sitting down and he started to play your beautiful to me. i listened and i immediately felt something between us. we never saw each other outside of our only class we had together. me, playing clarinet, and him playing guitar, in jazz band. i was so bad at playing the clarinet and i thought for sure he would never want to have anything to do with me. i never really felt that pretty, or that i had a chance with anyone like him. after that class, it was time to go home. i was standing in the front of the school waiting for a ride home when he came up behind me and covered my eyes until i guessed his name. up until then i never really knew it. i turned around, "i never found out your name, wanna tell me?" he uncovered my eyes and looked at me, with his big brown eyes,and told me his name he knew my name by then, he was paying more attention to me than i thought. he asked me for my number and i gave it to him. i can remember the first time he called me. we were playing phone tag until i finally caught him. we talked for hours, him playing songs for me through the phone and me talking about books that i had been reading. we automatically had a friendship. i was the happiest ever! my boyfriend had broken up with me a couple days before johnny called me. he made me feel better, he comforted me about it. the next day i didn't see him other than in jazz band. he called me again that night, we were talking as usual but this time he started playing a song i had never heard him play before, it was a song he had written for me. i was so happy and excited and he could tell over the phone. he then asked me who i liked and i said well isn't it obvious? i thought at that moment that it would be the last time i would call myself single in a while, but that quickly changed. he said, "well i have an idea" i said well you are probably right and then he said, "well i want you to know i have a girlfriend." i felt so heartbroken because i thought we had something, even with our age difference and even though we had only known each other a couple of weeks. That night i went to bed with a single tear going down my cheek. the next day he sat with me at lunch and we began to talk as though we had never had that conversation about his girlfriend. he began to have problems with his girlfriend and he was coming to me about them. i would let him talk and i would always be there for him. we eventually got to talking about kissing and well some other stuff. i would always remind him that i am a freshman before he got carried away. he would always complement me, and call me beautiful and he made me feel good about myself. we talked about going to the movies and i agreed. he told me he was on a temporary break up with his girlfriend. we had our moments during the movie, some very special and memorable for me. and i hoped that after the movie, he would stay broken up with his girlfriend and come to me. that didnt work out the way i hoped. he still talked to me and he went back to his girlfriend...all problems solved. thanks to me. now i can see him everywhere i go, he is always either kissing or on top of her. he is starting to have problems again with her again. he hasn't come to talk to me about it. but i have a feeling it is about me. he tells my friend how sally is never there for him and how i always am there for him. he calls me his friends with benefits but i dont want to be that. i saw him talking to his girlfriend the other day. i passed by and waved, i saw the sad look on both of there faces and could tell that it was serious what they were talking about. i said hi and he sort of smiled and waved back, but was late to class, i think he was talking to her. i am so confused, everyone says i need to get over him, but i dont want to. i want to be with him, even though he hurt me. what do i do?

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