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      Always believe no matter the odds.

     


I wanted to keep this short. Away back in 1993 i met the girl i wanted to spend my life with, however destiny wasnt going to favour us.

 

After 3 years of intense love and feelings for each other it suddenly fell apart. Her family and mother in particular wanted her to be married off into a certain family of their choice, as certain cultures  value that particular tradition and as so many girls before her in similiar situations ,she ended up giving in to emotional blackmail and left me to marry this other guy that she really did despise.I remember pleading with her mother, sisters,father etc and they all blanked me like the cold hearted bastards they were. In the meantime she broke all links with me,the day she did that was my 21st birthday.  I used to read how folk can become suicidal in such situations and i can tell you i wasnt far off from taking that step myself.

 

There are others who may say well why are you still here and why , if you were that devastated,did you not do it ? The answer as you read on will become obvious.

 

In 1998  she got married. I remember the day she got married very well. I was at work and it was a sunday afternoon. I felt like someone had put a knife into my stomach, I was In severe pain and felt really ill.

 

I asked my employer if i could take the afternoon off and he kindly obliged. Once i got home a friend of mine called me to ask how i was as he had been told by my employer  when he rang that id taken ill. It was then that my friend reminded me that it was my sweethearts wedding that day.

 

He knew this because he was friends with her family. I was devastated. I realised that whatever illness i felt that day it must have been some invisible force letting me know that today, that particular day,my sweetheart was going away from my life forever and become someone elses wife.

 

After that day, especially that day, my life has never ever been the same. I lost my youthfulness,my happy go lucky attitude,my drive,ambition,if truth be told,i was actually better off dead.

 

Away from those days in 1998 and slightly before that when i actually broke up with her,i always thought very deeply as to why someone can be so cold and emotionally detached from their feelings. Did she not feel as i did ? wasnt she feeling the same pain and turbelance in her life as i was. Many times i would cry and if im going to be honest with you, i still do.

 

HOWEVER``````Im made of much sterner stuff than that and i always promised myself that my pain would not be in vain and one day, i just didnt know which day, which year, but one day i will be reunited with her. Well that day happened  in May of 2008.

 

My parents and her parents were known to each other, like an extended family of relatives so to speak. She was actually my second cousin. We all got invited to a wedding and after the celebrations were over,both her and her husband PLUS 2kids that they now had were staying at another of their cousins house for that night. I was staying the night there too by coincidence.

 

Basically sparks flew and EVERYTHING  came rushing back, every chance we had we would look at each other, gaze at each other, but we couldnt speak as our romance was well known to everyone who knew us and talking openly like this would have made it obvious what was going on .

 

I was very hurt, especially seeing that shmuch of a husband she had, the same son of a bitch who she used to dread and here he was with the jewel in the crown, my jewel.

 

 

When i got back home i obtained her number by certain people and took the risk to start texting her sms messages. She responded well and was friendly with me but a few days later she opended her heart fully to me.

 

She told me how her mother had thrown her to the dogs and that her mother never cared about her not now not before. She proceeded to tell me how her in-laws dominate her life and that shes suffered contantly by them,she didnt elaborate much on her husband but it doesnt take a rocket scientist to work out that part of the equation too.

 

She went on to tell me that all these past 15 plus years or so the only thing to keep her going was me in her mind and heart and that shes never forgot me she never deliberately tried to hurt me and so on.

 

Needeless to say i said everything too, in more emotion than she did and THEN WE GOT CAUGHT. when her husband found out he called me to tell me what he had found out, worse still the girl in question accused me of every concievable ill and that it was all my fault and that even at one point she denied sending me any messages or calls. It finished like that and i only wonder how things are for her.

 

For my part,its made my resolve stronger. I will keep on trying keep on hoping that one day i will complete the task i set out over 15 years ago in that boyish youthful age of 21, im now 35.

 

People / friends ask me whether maybe its me ego,and that i need to ask myself deeply if it really was /is love in the true sense of the word, but i know in my heart of hearts that what i always thought in my gut all these years, i knew without a doubt what we had was special, and going by recent events,we STILL have that special feelings for each other or LOVE if u want to call it.

 

I will keep on trying until ive married her.. As much as that task looks impossible from where i am right now,giving the fact she married and has 2 kids, i will strive to continue  that regardless of how she ultimately felt about me, whether she now hated me, loved me, felt for me, or despised me, whatever feeling or emotion shes ever had about me, The one most important fact remains and will remain for eternity.if i die trying at least i can look back from up there and say hey she got away, bad luck, but i can be proud in knowing the fact that I was true to my word and loved her to my last breath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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